Hello friends. Sorry it's been so long since I've written a good blog; I know some of you (Gen) thrive on these things. I really haven't had anything important to write about until I saw something very special on TV last night: Justin Timberlake.
Not just any show with Justin Timberlake though, the two-hour-plus Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveShow live concert on HBO. Of course, since it was originally taped on Labor Day, it was not live for me. Regardless, it packed quite a punch. If you know me at all you are well aware of my undying affection for Mr. Timberlake, dating back to the sixth grade when Genevieve and AnnE decided they didn't like Backstreet Boys and made me pick a side in the boy band turf war. Luckily I chose the right side and have been a JT lover ever since. His HBO special, while very similar to the many other live shows taped at Madison Square Garden done during his 'NSync days (all of which I have on VHS, thank you very much), filled me with the kind of joy and giddiness best attributed to uncontrolled hormones and a desperate need for male attention. While Thom, Kaci, and I collectively drooled over his impossible hotness ("Look at how blue his eyes are!" "His hands are so MANLY!" "If that shirt were tighter and he were colder you could TOTALLY see his nipples!") I was thrilled to see Justin implement my favorite dance move of all time: The Jagoff! I am including a clip of him doing "SexyBack" during the show. Keep a close eye on his hand motions at approximately 05:20 left in the video and you'll see The Jagoff in all its Timber-loving glory. Also, if you care to continue watching (and why wouldn't you?), between 04:06 and 03:55 you'll notice two more of my favorite drunken dance moves, The Ass-Slap and The Crazy Arm Helicopter. While I usually only rock these moves with a blood alcohol level well above the legal limit and accompany the Arm Helicopter with a loud "WOOOOOOOOO!", it's clear that JT is so drunk on performing that he cannot help but bust them out during the almost-finale of his show. So here it is, the clip of the most heartwarming and beautiful Timber-moves I've ever seen. Enjoy.
Also, for you super fans out there, here's a little chunk featuring "Cry Me A River" that I really just can't get enough of. The show is On Demand for people who get HBO all month, so I suggest you find a friend with On Demand HBO and get on it!
....Aaaaaand last but not least, here's the shit-tacular video for "What Goes Around/Comes Around." Look out for JT telling ScoJo "I FUCKING KNOW YOU." The acting rivals his performance in Alpha Dog.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
My Tummy Hurts And Now I'm Bored So I Think I'll Do This Filly-Outty Thing....
1. How did you get the idea for your MySpace name?
- I didn't want to be an emo little bitch so I just used my real name. Duh.
2. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
- Curled up in a ball sleeping in my bed, BUT at 3:02ish YESTERDAY morning I was knocking on my roommate's door and asking her nicely to shut the hell up.
3. What are you listening to right now?
- Stacy on "What Not To Wear" tell some girl that she needs to wear trousers to elongate her body
4. What color is your cell phone?
- Black
5. Do you click on pop-ups?
- When I get really really really bored...sometimes
6. Do you own an iPod?
- His name is Terrence and I love him
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
- Myself of course...is that even a question?
8. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
- Hottie Bearded Intern at Mt. Hermon? I'm going to assume older, but then I have never really talked to him so it's really anyone's guess
9. What did you do last night?
- cooked a chicken quesadilla that made my tummy hurt and watched The Office and fell asleep at like 10:45
10. What do you hope to do this weekend?
- Clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, do homework. I'm kind of a big deal.
11. What are the last two digits of your cell phone number?
- I have three phone numbers; you'll have to be more specific.
San Francisco house: 23
Felton house: 21
Cell: 14
12. What was the last thing that you had to eat?
- Three pieces of sourdough toast with butter and lots of water. My tummy hurts real bad.
13. Who is the last person of the opposite sex that you hugged?
- Leoul! Wow that was an exciting hug too! Oh wait it might have been Thom...I can't remember who was last, either way they are some of my favorite opposite-sexers.
14. What was the last movie you watched?
- Some shitty re-enactment of the Tuskeegee Study at school. I fell asleep.
15. What do you dislike at the moment?
- Hurty tummy, dirty laundry, messy room
16. What food are you craving?
- Hmmm perhaps some chocolate? A truffle maybe?
17. What did you dream last night?
- No comment.
18. What's the last tv show you watched?
- What Not To Wear
19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
- Any of my necklaces that I've gotten for my birthdays.
20. Name 1 person on your Top Friends who knows you best?
- Um pretty much all of them, minus Blue Pig.
21. Do you always lock your door?
- Car door? House door? Room door? Be specific. Car - yes, house - yes, room - sometimes.
23. Are you on any medication?
- Niaspan 1000mg every night.
24. Do you like someone?
- No but my hormones are kind of out of control lately. Every time I see a bearded man I have trouble looking away. This is problematic on the bus, at the store, etc.
26. What is your favorite frozen treat?
- Tough call. I do love a good ChocoTaco, as well as Drumsticks and fudge bars.
27. How many piercings/tattoos do you have?
- Two piercings in each ear, one on the top of my right ear cartilage son.
28. Wheres your favorite place to be?
- Felton! San Francisco! I really like most of the places that I live, or else I wouldn't live there.
30. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
- AnnE, Madeline, Squrty
31. When was the last text you sent?
- Like an hour ago to Bekah.
32. Do you care what people think about you?
- Sometimes, it depends on who they are. I care about what my patients think about me and my teachers and so on. With my friends I am not as concerned.
33. Have you ever done something to make trouble?
- Is this a real question?
34. Where do you wish you were right now?
- I like it right here (living room couch in SF), I just wish I had some more people with me.
35. What is your font color on AIM/MSN?
- green
36. Where do you live?
- San Francisco
37. Have you ever moshed?
- There's not a lot of moshing at 'NSync concerts...
38. What was your first kiss like?
- Haven't had it yet.
39. Do you like the person who posted this last?
- Yes, I would like to have her babies.
40. Do you know their birthday?
- March something. I want to say the first, but I could be wrong. Somewhere near the beginning of the month?
42. What words do you say a lot?
- Shit
43. What do you smell like right now?
- Gain
44. What is your favorite color?
- Purple and green
45. Do you like mustard?
- it is my favorite sandwich condiment.
46. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
- "If we just go cut ourself, all the pain will go away..."
47. Would you ever sky dive?
- no no no no no no o
48. What color is your pillow case?
- I have three pillows; sage green, white dots, and purple
49. If you could say something to your ex what would it be?
- Who are you?
50. Whose was the last stomach you saw?
- Mine. I was looking at it in the mirror because it was hurting!
51. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
- I LOVE hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
52. Have you ever been to California?
- Stupid question.
53. What is the thing that you would most like to change about you?
- My fatness?
53. Did you ever think to yourself and wonder if you're really real?
- This is some existentialist bullshit.
54. What celebrities do people say you look like?
- A bunch of Asians, according to the "what celebrity do you look like" thinger.
55. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but don't?
- Yes because usually if I ask someone to call it's because I really need to talk to them. I don't take phone conversations lightly.
56. Are you a jealous person?
- Yes.
58. What was the last thing you typed?
- "lightly." I re-used Ducky's answer to #56.
59. Do you ever feel guilty about eating meat?
- Only if I knew the meat (RIP Hamletta)
60. What's something you wish you would have known 10 years ago?
- How inconsequential high school really is...I used to think I was such a big deal.
- I didn't want to be an emo little bitch so I just used my real name. Duh.
2. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
- Curled up in a ball sleeping in my bed, BUT at 3:02ish YESTERDAY morning I was knocking on my roommate's door and asking her nicely to shut the hell up.
3. What are you listening to right now?
- Stacy on "What Not To Wear" tell some girl that she needs to wear trousers to elongate her body
4. What color is your cell phone?
- Black
5. Do you click on pop-ups?
- When I get really really really bored...sometimes
6. Do you own an iPod?
- His name is Terrence and I love him
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
- Myself of course...is that even a question?
8. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
- Hottie Bearded Intern at Mt. Hermon? I'm going to assume older, but then I have never really talked to him so it's really anyone's guess
9. What did you do last night?
- cooked a chicken quesadilla that made my tummy hurt and watched The Office and fell asleep at like 10:45
10. What do you hope to do this weekend?
- Clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, do homework. I'm kind of a big deal.
11. What are the last two digits of your cell phone number?
- I have three phone numbers; you'll have to be more specific.
San Francisco house: 23
Felton house: 21
Cell: 14
12. What was the last thing that you had to eat?
- Three pieces of sourdough toast with butter and lots of water. My tummy hurts real bad.
13. Who is the last person of the opposite sex that you hugged?
- Leoul! Wow that was an exciting hug too! Oh wait it might have been Thom...I can't remember who was last, either way they are some of my favorite opposite-sexers.
14. What was the last movie you watched?
- Some shitty re-enactment of the Tuskeegee Study at school. I fell asleep.
15. What do you dislike at the moment?
- Hurty tummy, dirty laundry, messy room
16. What food are you craving?
- Hmmm perhaps some chocolate? A truffle maybe?
17. What did you dream last night?
- No comment.
18. What's the last tv show you watched?
- What Not To Wear
19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
- Any of my necklaces that I've gotten for my birthdays.
20. Name 1 person on your Top Friends who knows you best?
- Um pretty much all of them, minus Blue Pig.
21. Do you always lock your door?
- Car door? House door? Room door? Be specific. Car - yes, house - yes, room - sometimes.
23. Are you on any medication?
- Niaspan 1000mg every night.
24. Do you like someone?
- No but my hormones are kind of out of control lately. Every time I see a bearded man I have trouble looking away. This is problematic on the bus, at the store, etc.
26. What is your favorite frozen treat?
- Tough call. I do love a good ChocoTaco, as well as Drumsticks and fudge bars.
27. How many piercings/tattoos do you have?
- Two piercings in each ear, one on the top of my right ear cartilage son.
28. Wheres your favorite place to be?
- Felton! San Francisco! I really like most of the places that I live, or else I wouldn't live there.
30. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
- AnnE, Madeline, Squrty
31. When was the last text you sent?
- Like an hour ago to Bekah.
32. Do you care what people think about you?
- Sometimes, it depends on who they are. I care about what my patients think about me and my teachers and so on. With my friends I am not as concerned.
33. Have you ever done something to make trouble?
- Is this a real question?
34. Where do you wish you were right now?
- I like it right here (living room couch in SF), I just wish I had some more people with me.
35. What is your font color on AIM/MSN?
- green
36. Where do you live?
- San Francisco
37. Have you ever moshed?
- There's not a lot of moshing at 'NSync concerts...
38. What was your first kiss like?
- Haven't had it yet.
39. Do you like the person who posted this last?
- Yes, I would like to have her babies.
40. Do you know their birthday?
- March something. I want to say the first, but I could be wrong. Somewhere near the beginning of the month?
42. What words do you say a lot?
- Shit
43. What do you smell like right now?
- Gain
44. What is your favorite color?
- Purple and green
45. Do you like mustard?
- it is my favorite sandwich condiment.
46. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
- "If we just go cut ourself, all the pain will go away..."
47. Would you ever sky dive?
- no no no no no no o
48. What color is your pillow case?
- I have three pillows; sage green, white dots, and purple
49. If you could say something to your ex what would it be?
- Who are you?
50. Whose was the last stomach you saw?
- Mine. I was looking at it in the mirror because it was hurting!
51. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
- I LOVE hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
52. Have you ever been to California?
- Stupid question.
53. What is the thing that you would most like to change about you?
- My fatness?
53. Did you ever think to yourself and wonder if you're really real?
- This is some existentialist bullshit.
54. What celebrities do people say you look like?
- A bunch of Asians, according to the "what celebrity do you look like" thinger.
55. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but don't?
- Yes because usually if I ask someone to call it's because I really need to talk to them. I don't take phone conversations lightly.
56. Are you a jealous person?
- Yes.
58. What was the last thing you typed?
- "lightly." I re-used Ducky's answer to #56.
59. Do you ever feel guilty about eating meat?
- Only if I knew the meat (RIP Hamletta)
60. What's something you wish you would have known 10 years ago?
- How inconsequential high school really is...I used to think I was such a big deal.
My Name is Vanessa, and I Have a Theory!
THEORY: Chris Martin from Coldplay has a deviated septum.
PROOF: On every Coldplay song I have ever heard it sounds like he has a cold. It's especially prominent on the Coldplay song with Kanye West on his (Kanye's) new album. Either that's one hell of a persistent cold, or else he's got some nasal/septal blockage. Trust me on this, I'm a nurse.
PROOF: On every Coldplay song I have ever heard it sounds like he has a cold. It's especially prominent on the Coldplay song with Kanye West on his (Kanye's) new album. Either that's one hell of a persistent cold, or else he's got some nasal/septal blockage. Trust me on this, I'm a nurse.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
"Remember Me"
Every time I log into my damn blog I check the little box that says "Remember Me!". It never does.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Birthday Poem
A poem for AnnE Keller on the celebratory day of the twentieth year of her life:
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY ANNE!!!!!!!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I still like you,
Even though you ditched all your friends to move to Chile for a year so you could go bar hopping with a sea witch and let someone steal your iPod on public transportation and fatten up on cheap pastries and drag your big ass up some f-ing huge mountains.
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY ANNE!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Most Profound Thing I Have Ever Heard From A Professor
"Just pretend like you know what you're doing and try not to look stupid."
- Dr. Pauly-O'Neil, USF School of Nursing faculty member, on performing procedures on patients in the clinical setting.
- Dr. Pauly-O'Neil, USF School of Nursing faculty member, on performing procedures on patients in the clinical setting.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Really Important E-Mails With My Mom (Edited for the Masses)
>From: vanessa2you@aol.com
>To: kelleyinfelton@hotmail.com
>Subject: Hey bitch
>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:25:31 -0400
>
>Here's *********'s (she spells it with an "h" because she's a dipshit) address. I don't remember how much we owe her - however much we paid the other two girls.
>
>******* "Dipshit" ********
>***************************
>Saratoga, CA 95070
>
>Peace bitch, see you Wednesday.
>
>________________________________________________________________________
>Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - >http://mail.aol.com
From: Kelley Smith
To: vanessa2you@aol.com
Subject: RE: Hey bitch
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 4:17 pm
Thanks Bitch
Love,
Mom
_________________________________________________________________
See what you’re getting into…before you go there http://newlivehotmail.com/?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_migration_HM_viral_preview_0507
>To: kelleyinfelton@hotmail.com
>Subject: Hey bitch
>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:25:31 -0400
>
>Here's *********'s (she spells it with an "h" because she's a dipshit) address. I don't remember how much we owe her - however much we paid the other two girls.
>
>******* "Dipshit" ********
>***************************
>Saratoga, CA 95070
>
>Peace bitch, see you Wednesday.
>
>________________________________________________________________________
>Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - >http://mail.aol.com
From: Kelley Smith
To: vanessa2you@aol.com
Subject: RE: Hey bitch
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 4:17 pm
Thanks Bitch
Love,
Mom
_________________________________________________________________
See what you’re getting into…before you go there http://newlivehotmail.com/?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_migration_HM_viral_preview_0507
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Bakk 2 Skool
Wouldn't that be a great name for an early-90's hip hop group?
I'm bored. I feel like I have a lot to write about but I don't really have anything to say, you know what I mean? Come visit me at my badass new house in San Francisco.
I'm bored. I feel like I have a lot to write about but I don't really have anything to say, you know what I mean? Come visit me at my badass new house in San Francisco.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Another Scary Bug
I had to go to bed early tonight because there was another scary bug in my living room. This time it was a creepy beetle with a pointy beetle head and six beetle legs and wings and antennae. It was flying around the lampshade and when it would land on the wall or the table there was an audible thump. Rather than killing the bug, I once again opted to retreat to my room and write a blog about it (see the original bug blog). I have at least four pets who would have been more than happy to eat that bug. If I weren't such a wuss that little bastard would be cat food right now.
Friday, August 10, 2007
An Open Letter to the Triathlete Driving Down Highway 9 in Front of Me on Sunday
Dear Triathlete,
Hi, it's me, the large angry girl in the small shitty car. You may recall seeing me in your rearview mirror while you were driving down highway nine towards Santa Cruz on Sunday. Remember? I was the one riding your ass while distorting my face into hideous contortions and beating my forehead against the steering wheel. I'd like to talk to you about a few things that concerned me during our thiry-two minute jaunt through the redwoods. Let's start with my first issue: your athleticism. Actually, not so much your athleticism, it's more in the way you assert it. I'm assuming you're pretty into physical fitness. How did I guess? Well, the first clue was your "TRIATHLETE: SWIM. BIKE. RUN." license plate frame - a must-have for any serious competitor, I'm sure. Judging by your Ironman bumper sticker, you are REALLY into triathlons. Good for you. Wait a minute, what's that? Oh my God, it's ANOTHER bumper sticker. Wow cool, the evolution of man portrayed by a swimmer, biker, and runner. You must have paid a pretty penny for that one!
Sorry, that came off a little sarcastic. I probably would have enjoyed the triathlete paraphenalia more if I hadn't been forced to stare at it for a full thirty-two minutes. Yes, thirty-two minutes. That is how long it took me to drive from my house to my church. It has never taken me anywhere near that long before. Do you know why I usually get to church in less than thirty-two minutes? I think it probably has to do with the fact that I go faster than twenty-five miles per hour. I know, call me crazy, but I make it a priority to do at least the speed limit on any given road, usually even a few (meaning 10+) miles per hour faster! Also, if I ever have a line of three or more cars behind me (which I don't, ever, but let's be hypothetical here), I pull over to let them pass! I'm sure you were too busy adjusting your balls in your Speedo to notice, but at one point there were EIGHT cars behind you! I even had time to count them because you were going so slow I didn't even have to watch the road anymore!
Anyway, Triathlete, sorry to get so down on you. Next time you see someone tailgaiting you and ripping out their hair in frustration, or perhaps even crying a little, you should probably pull over and let them pass; otherwise, so help me God, I will not hesitate to hunt you down and let all the air out of your bike tires at your next triathlon.
Sincerely Yours,
Vanessa
Hi, it's me, the large angry girl in the small shitty car. You may recall seeing me in your rearview mirror while you were driving down highway nine towards Santa Cruz on Sunday. Remember? I was the one riding your ass while distorting my face into hideous contortions and beating my forehead against the steering wheel. I'd like to talk to you about a few things that concerned me during our thiry-two minute jaunt through the redwoods. Let's start with my first issue: your athleticism. Actually, not so much your athleticism, it's more in the way you assert it. I'm assuming you're pretty into physical fitness. How did I guess? Well, the first clue was your "TRIATHLETE: SWIM. BIKE. RUN." license plate frame - a must-have for any serious competitor, I'm sure. Judging by your Ironman bumper sticker, you are REALLY into triathlons. Good for you. Wait a minute, what's that? Oh my God, it's ANOTHER bumper sticker. Wow cool, the evolution of man portrayed by a swimmer, biker, and runner. You must have paid a pretty penny for that one!
Sorry, that came off a little sarcastic. I probably would have enjoyed the triathlete paraphenalia more if I hadn't been forced to stare at it for a full thirty-two minutes. Yes, thirty-two minutes. That is how long it took me to drive from my house to my church. It has never taken me anywhere near that long before. Do you know why I usually get to church in less than thirty-two minutes? I think it probably has to do with the fact that I go faster than twenty-five miles per hour. I know, call me crazy, but I make it a priority to do at least the speed limit on any given road, usually even a few (meaning 10+) miles per hour faster! Also, if I ever have a line of three or more cars behind me (which I don't, ever, but let's be hypothetical here), I pull over to let them pass! I'm sure you were too busy adjusting your balls in your Speedo to notice, but at one point there were EIGHT cars behind you! I even had time to count them because you were going so slow I didn't even have to watch the road anymore!
Anyway, Triathlete, sorry to get so down on you. Next time you see someone tailgaiting you and ripping out their hair in frustration, or perhaps even crying a little, you should probably pull over and let them pass; otherwise, so help me God, I will not hesitate to hunt you down and let all the air out of your bike tires at your next triathlon.
Sincerely Yours,
Vanessa
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
She Works Hard For The Money
What I did at work on Monday:
-Fed Zoe breakfast
-Cleaned Zoe up from breakfast
-Put Zoe on the potty
-Showed Zoe how I pee pee on the potty
-Gave Zoe a chocolate chip for sitting on the potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Brushed Zoe's teeth, washed her face, brushed her hair
-Packed up some snacks and a cup of water.
-Went to the store and bought Zoe a new pair of shoes.
-Drove to Ace Hardware and bought two different kinds of mousetraps
-Put Zoe back in the car
-Drove back to Zoe's house
-Made Zoe lunch
-Watched Zoe eat lunch
-Gave Zoe a bottle
-Sat Zoe on potty (see routine above)
-Put Zoe down for a nap
-Put away clean dishes
-Washed the dirty dishes
-Cleaned kitchen
-Ate lunch
-Assembled all bills
-Mailed all bills
-Emptied dishwasher
-Put Zoe on potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Played with Zoe
-Walked around with Kacie
-Snuggled Kacie
-Jiggled Kacie
-Rocked Kacie
-Put Zoe in high chair for dinner
-Went home
What Theresa did while I worked on Monday:
-Fed Kacie
-Printed checks
-Watched "Ellen"
-Vetoed all of the mousetraps purchased for her
-Ate lunch
-Shopped online for baby toys
-Went on a walk with Zoe
-Complained about how busy she is and how hard it is to be a mom
-Fed Zoe breakfast
-Cleaned Zoe up from breakfast
-Put Zoe on the potty
-Showed Zoe how I pee pee on the potty
-Gave Zoe a chocolate chip for sitting on the potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Brushed Zoe's teeth, washed her face, brushed her hair
-Packed up some snacks and a cup of water.
-Went to the store and bought Zoe a new pair of shoes.
-Drove to Ace Hardware and bought two different kinds of mousetraps
-Put Zoe back in the car
-Drove back to Zoe's house
-Made Zoe lunch
-Watched Zoe eat lunch
-Gave Zoe a bottle
-Sat Zoe on potty (see routine above)
-Put Zoe down for a nap
-Put away clean dishes
-Washed the dirty dishes
-Cleaned kitchen
-Ate lunch
-Assembled all bills
-Mailed all bills
-Emptied dishwasher
-Put Zoe on potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Played with Zoe
-Walked around with Kacie
-Snuggled Kacie
-Jiggled Kacie
-Rocked Kacie
-Put Zoe in high chair for dinner
-Went home
What Theresa did while I worked on Monday:
-Fed Kacie
-Printed checks
-Watched "Ellen"
-Vetoed all of the mousetraps purchased for her
-Ate lunch
-Shopped online for baby toys
-Went on a walk with Zoe
-Complained about how busy she is and how hard it is to be a mom
Monday, August 6, 2007
"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. Who The Hell Knows
bestdbspaz: your jealous
Vanessa2you: no
Vanessa2you: I see Chile has not done much to further your English grammar skills
Vanessa2you: *you're
bestdbspaz: no i just dont care
Vanessa2you: no
Vanessa2you: I see Chile has not done much to further your English grammar skills
Vanessa2you: *you're
bestdbspaz: no i just dont care
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Hey Guys, I Have a Fun Idea!
Let's go see Brother Ali together!
He's at the Bill Graham Civic on August 5th! We can all go, then we can all have a sleepover party at my new house before my roommates move in! It'll be great!
Seriously, let's make this happen.
He's at the Bill Graham Civic on August 5th! We can all go, then we can all have a sleepover party at my new house before my roommates move in! It'll be great!
Seriously, let's make this happen.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I just finished it. Ten minutes ago. An eight-year chapter of my life has effectively ended. I can die now and be okay. If I get some kind of terminal disease, I can't use this as my Make-A-Wish Foundation wish anymore. I don't know how I feel about that. If you think I'm going to give away anything about the book then clearly you know nothing about me and we are not friends. This has been the best and worse day of my life.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Things To Do While Taking A Shit
- Read
- Check E-mail
- Chat online with friends
- Talk on the phone
- Pet your kitty/doggy
- Write a sympathy card
- Brush your hair
- Fill out a questionnaire
- Call a technical support hotline
- Listen to music and toilet-dance
- Pluck your eyebrows (only advisable with a mirror in sight)
- Take a nap
- Get naked
- Get dressed
- Pee
- Crack your knuckles
- Make a collage
- Shop on the internet
- Whistle/sing/hum a song
- Do homework/study
- Endorse paychecks
- Talk to friends and family in the immediate vicinity
- Courtesy flush
- Write a blog
- Check E-mail
- Chat online with friends
- Talk on the phone
- Pet your kitty/doggy
- Write a sympathy card
- Brush your hair
- Fill out a questionnaire
- Call a technical support hotline
- Listen to music and toilet-dance
- Pluck your eyebrows (only advisable with a mirror in sight)
- Take a nap
- Get naked
- Get dressed
- Pee
- Crack your knuckles
- Make a collage
- Shop on the internet
- Whistle/sing/hum a song
- Do homework/study
- Endorse paychecks
- Talk to friends and family in the immediate vicinity
- Courtesy flush
- Write a blog
Friday, July 13, 2007
Harry Potter Movie Review EXTRAVAGANZA!
For those of you not currently in the know, my dad hooked me and three friends (Cassady, Gen, and my mom) up with tickets to a free preview screening of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. As always, the movie was nowhere near the greatness of the book. It did not, however, suck as much as other Harry Potter movies I have seen. For your viewing pleasure, here is my character-by-character review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Note: I have to use the character names because I don't know/give a shit about what the actor's real names are):
Harry Potter: Damn son, you are one ugly bastard. I wouldn't mind your face so much if you could act, but you can't, so I basically hate you. You are one of the two main reasons I typically dislike the HP movie franchise.
Ron Weasley: Holy crap, when did you hit puberty? Call me when you decide to trim that bowl cut and grow some facial hair....maybe we could work something out.
Hermione Granger: Why why why why WHY do you suck SO MUCH?! How the hell did you get this job?! You are perhaps an even worse actor than the guy who plays Harry Potter, and that's really saying something. You don't even try to look like Hermione anymore! You have some of the funniest and sassiest lines in the Order of the Phoenix book and you somehow managed to screw up in your delivery of EVERY SINGLE ONE! You ruined my favorite Harry Potter joke ever. Do us all a favor and go into rehab or die or something so you don't ruin Half-Blood Prince for me too.
Weasley Twins: In the words of my good friend Genevieve, "I would do them both...AT THE SAME TIME!" Again, grow some facial hair and we can talk.
Ginny Weasley: If you don't show me your mother f-ing bat bogey hex in the next movie, I swear to God I will start hating you.
Dean Thomas: Sorry the powers that be decided that Seamus should hook up with Ginny at the end instead of you. I guess interracial relationships just aren't cool with the kids these days. Keep on keeping on, brother.
Seamus Finnigan: Ohhhh man....I know Cassady says you're only 5'2" in real life, but your accent and charming Irish looks more than make up for it. If you were to, say, grow a full beard, there's probably no one in the world who could keep me from having sex with you. Let's get on that, shall we?
Luna Lovegood: OH MY GOSH YOU ARE AMAZING! Whoever cast you should be paid twice their current salary. You kept this movie from being a complete turd, and I thank you for that.
Bellatrix Lestrange: I didn't know Amy Winehouse was an actress!
Snape: You scare the shit out of me and you're perfect and I love you. Actually, I hate you with all my heart, but I love your acting skills. You know what I mean.
Dolores Umbridge: Perfect cough, perfect clothes, but just didn't look enough like a toad.
Tonks: Boo. Poor choice.
Voldemort: Holy mother of God, you are sosososo frightening. I can't wait for you to get your ass kicked.
Well there you have it friends, my extensive review of Harry Pott and the Order of the Phoenix. Overall I give it a B-. This less-than-stellar review will not, of course, keep me from buying it the day it comes out on DVD and having a screening at my house. Maybe we'll even have more licorice wands...
Harry Potter: Damn son, you are one ugly bastard. I wouldn't mind your face so much if you could act, but you can't, so I basically hate you. You are one of the two main reasons I typically dislike the HP movie franchise.
Ron Weasley: Holy crap, when did you hit puberty? Call me when you decide to trim that bowl cut and grow some facial hair....maybe we could work something out.
Hermione Granger: Why why why why WHY do you suck SO MUCH?! How the hell did you get this job?! You are perhaps an even worse actor than the guy who plays Harry Potter, and that's really saying something. You don't even try to look like Hermione anymore! You have some of the funniest and sassiest lines in the Order of the Phoenix book and you somehow managed to screw up in your delivery of EVERY SINGLE ONE! You ruined my favorite Harry Potter joke ever. Do us all a favor and go into rehab or die or something so you don't ruin Half-Blood Prince for me too.
Weasley Twins: In the words of my good friend Genevieve, "I would do them both...AT THE SAME TIME!" Again, grow some facial hair and we can talk.
Ginny Weasley: If you don't show me your mother f-ing bat bogey hex in the next movie, I swear to God I will start hating you.
Dean Thomas: Sorry the powers that be decided that Seamus should hook up with Ginny at the end instead of you. I guess interracial relationships just aren't cool with the kids these days. Keep on keeping on, brother.
Seamus Finnigan: Ohhhh man....I know Cassady says you're only 5'2" in real life, but your accent and charming Irish looks more than make up for it. If you were to, say, grow a full beard, there's probably no one in the world who could keep me from having sex with you. Let's get on that, shall we?
Luna Lovegood: OH MY GOSH YOU ARE AMAZING! Whoever cast you should be paid twice their current salary. You kept this movie from being a complete turd, and I thank you for that.
Bellatrix Lestrange: I didn't know Amy Winehouse was an actress!
Snape: You scare the shit out of me and you're perfect and I love you. Actually, I hate you with all my heart, but I love your acting skills. You know what I mean.
Dolores Umbridge: Perfect cough, perfect clothes, but just didn't look enough like a toad.
Tonks: Boo. Poor choice.
Voldemort: Holy mother of God, you are sosososo frightening. I can't wait for you to get your ass kicked.
Well there you have it friends, my extensive review of Harry Pott and the Order of the Phoenix. Overall I give it a B-. This less-than-stellar review will not, of course, keep me from buying it the day it comes out on DVD and having a screening at my house. Maybe we'll even have more licorice wands...
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Fourth of July Blog
Ahh, Independence Day, the most boring holiday our nation has to offer! Of course I had to celebrate because it was also Genevieve's 21st birthday! Now, in no particular order, the top ten reasons I love Gen:
1. She is a Jew.
2. She has curly curly Jew hair.
3. Her supreme hatred of all things Asian, including but not limited to Asian drivers, Asian designs, Asian art, etc.
4. How well she handles her liquor - with a lesser woman, yesterday's celebration could have gotten rather ugly.
5. The way that she managed to go to private snobby schools for the last six years and only be elitist in her quest for Ugg boots and her distaste for the Asian nation.
6. How gay she is for Ben Folds.
7. The way that she always makes sure we don't go too long without talking or seeing each other.
8. The fact that she has never farted on me, unlike most of my other friends (ANNE).
9. She can burp so loudly that it scares my pets, which is both impressive and attractive.
10. Her big big boobies.
Happy Birthday Jew, I hope you had as good a time at your fiesta as I did.
A quick highlight from the afterparty at the Kellers' with Uncle Rick:
Mark "Super Sup" Keller (while sitting outside on the deck with fireworks exploding all over the place): "God damn, this sounds like we're in Oakland."
Stay classy, Mark.
1. She is a Jew.
2. She has curly curly Jew hair.
3. Her supreme hatred of all things Asian, including but not limited to Asian drivers, Asian designs, Asian art, etc.
4. How well she handles her liquor - with a lesser woman, yesterday's celebration could have gotten rather ugly.
5. The way that she managed to go to private snobby schools for the last six years and only be elitist in her quest for Ugg boots and her distaste for the Asian nation.
6. How gay she is for Ben Folds.
7. The way that she always makes sure we don't go too long without talking or seeing each other.
8. The fact that she has never farted on me, unlike most of my other friends (ANNE).
9. She can burp so loudly that it scares my pets, which is both impressive and attractive.
10. Her big big boobies.
Happy Birthday Jew, I hope you had as good a time at your fiesta as I did.
A quick highlight from the afterparty at the Kellers' with Uncle Rick:
Mark "Super Sup" Keller (while sitting outside on the deck with fireworks exploding all over the place): "God damn, this sounds like we're in Oakland."
Stay classy, Mark.
Monday, July 2, 2007
EXCITING TOILET DISCOVERY!!!
WOW! Oh man! Last night after a magnificent SCD dinner with two of my best bitches Cassady and AnnE, Cassady and I decided to go see Sicko at the Del Mar. First of all, don't judge me for watching Michael Moore films - I take them with a grain of salt, and I enjoy a good documentary (no matter how biased it may be), so suck it. Anyhoo, this story isn't really about the movie - which, by the way, was great - it's about the most exciting discovery I have ever made.
The Del Mar, for those of you not native to the Santa Cruz area, is a really old and awesome theater downtown, kind of near that weird shack that sells vegetarian bagels and crap. The Del Mar has been my favorite movie theater for quite a while. They're always showing semi-independent films and the grand auditorium has the most comfortable seats and best views of the screen I have ever experienced. The only problem I've ever had with the Del Mar is the women's bathroom.
First of all, the women's room is up on the second floor. Anyone who knows me knows the extent of my laziness makes it nearly impossible for me to climb the twenty-something steps up to the potty, unless I REALLY have to go. Secondly, they use the gross powdery Borax-y soap that just doesn't give me the clean that I'm looking for after a good potty session. The real clincher, though, is the individual toilet stalls. Let me paint a picture for you: as you walk into the bathroom, there's a rather large lounge area with a couch, chair, table, and multiple mirrors. These mirrors become terrifying once you enter the stalls because the stall doors are only about three feet high and rise off the ground about a foot and a half. This means that you are basically only covered from knee to shoulder, or, if you're tall like me, shin to chest. Even when I'm sitting down, I can still see over the stall doors. The sides of the stalls are equally tiny. This can make for awkward situations when you are forced to take a pee while making eye contact with a complete stranger waiting for their friend in the lounge. It gets even more awkward when someone accidentally leaks a fart and everyone in the vicinity can see them begin to blush with their head poking out above the stall (not that this has ever happened to me personally; I don't fart). To sum it all up, the bathroom is a far from private wait to take care of some very private business.
I was on my way out of the grand auditorium to release my bladder before the movie yesterday when I happened to look to my left. This glance quickly became life-changing as I realized that there is ANOTHER WOMEN'S BATHROOM ON THE FIRST FLOOR! I gasped and walked briskly to the door, hoping against hope that it was more private than the upstairs. Imagine my glee when I discovered that it was a SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM! It was just a toilet, sink, and paper towel holder all closed off behind a heavy locking door. I had always wondered how the upstairs bathroom was considered handicap acessible, only to find out that it wasn't and there was a separate accessible bathroom downstairs.
With that being said, this is one of the best discoveries I have ever made in Santa Cruz, and as much I have enjoyed telling you about it, I urge you, readers, not to use my special secret potty. It took me almost ten years to find it, and it's just not fair for you all to show up and use it just because you heard about it from a friend. In conclusion, be content with the fact that there's a secret toilet in the Del Mar theater, but stay the hell away from it.
The Del Mar, for those of you not native to the Santa Cruz area, is a really old and awesome theater downtown, kind of near that weird shack that sells vegetarian bagels and crap. The Del Mar has been my favorite movie theater for quite a while. They're always showing semi-independent films and the grand auditorium has the most comfortable seats and best views of the screen I have ever experienced. The only problem I've ever had with the Del Mar is the women's bathroom.
First of all, the women's room is up on the second floor. Anyone who knows me knows the extent of my laziness makes it nearly impossible for me to climb the twenty-something steps up to the potty, unless I REALLY have to go. Secondly, they use the gross powdery Borax-y soap that just doesn't give me the clean that I'm looking for after a good potty session. The real clincher, though, is the individual toilet stalls. Let me paint a picture for you: as you walk into the bathroom, there's a rather large lounge area with a couch, chair, table, and multiple mirrors. These mirrors become terrifying once you enter the stalls because the stall doors are only about three feet high and rise off the ground about a foot and a half. This means that you are basically only covered from knee to shoulder, or, if you're tall like me, shin to chest. Even when I'm sitting down, I can still see over the stall doors. The sides of the stalls are equally tiny. This can make for awkward situations when you are forced to take a pee while making eye contact with a complete stranger waiting for their friend in the lounge. It gets even more awkward when someone accidentally leaks a fart and everyone in the vicinity can see them begin to blush with their head poking out above the stall (not that this has ever happened to me personally; I don't fart). To sum it all up, the bathroom is a far from private wait to take care of some very private business.
I was on my way out of the grand auditorium to release my bladder before the movie yesterday when I happened to look to my left. This glance quickly became life-changing as I realized that there is ANOTHER WOMEN'S BATHROOM ON THE FIRST FLOOR! I gasped and walked briskly to the door, hoping against hope that it was more private than the upstairs. Imagine my glee when I discovered that it was a SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM! It was just a toilet, sink, and paper towel holder all closed off behind a heavy locking door. I had always wondered how the upstairs bathroom was considered handicap acessible, only to find out that it wasn't and there was a separate accessible bathroom downstairs.
With that being said, this is one of the best discoveries I have ever made in Santa Cruz, and as much I have enjoyed telling you about it, I urge you, readers, not to use my special secret potty. It took me almost ten years to find it, and it's just not fair for you all to show up and use it just because you heard about it from a friend. In conclusion, be content with the fact that there's a secret toilet in the Del Mar theater, but stay the hell away from it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
