Tuesday, May 11, 2010


In my mind, "pregnant" is synonymous with "designated driver." To the 12 nurses I work with who are currently pregnant, keep your phones on this weekend... things might get a little out of control.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Why We Shouldn't Have Taught My Mom How To Use Text Messages

"Mommy loves her card! And that it was important that it was here on time [preface: I sent her card express mail so it got there by Mother's Day]! I love U. Mom"

Happy Mother's Day Mom, I love your bitch ass too.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Last Published on May 18, 2009

Yikes, all that talk about blog resurrection and BOOM! It's almost a year later and I still haven't posted. Well readers, here's your god damn update. Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. This is what happened:

Yup. That's a Mexican flag made out of Jell-O shots. The best part is, that Mexican flag is still intact on a cookie sheet in my fridge today, el Seis de Mayo. That Mexican flag is, in fact, only about 1/3 of the Jell-O shots we created on el Cuatro de Mayo. You may be asking yourself, "Vanessa, did you have a big Cinco de Mayo party? Why else would you make so many Jell-O shots?" Well no, readers, I didn't have a damn Cinco de Mayo party. I had two friends come over and we sat on my porch and ate about thirty Jell-O shots each. Now you may be saying, "Vanessa, why?! Why would you make so many Jell-O shots for just three people to sit around and eat them?!? WHY?!?!?!!"

Because, asshole. Jell-O shots are fucking delicious.