Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Pamphlets Found in the USF Student Clinic

"Your Pelvic Exam"
"Help On The Way - FLU"
"Big Tobacco - They're After You"
"Getting What You Want From Drinking"
"Is It Safe? Is It Sex?"
"STD Facts"
"Herpes Vaccine And Trial"
....and the real clincher, a purple pamphlet that simply begins with "An
unplanned pregnancy isn't easy, but ADOPTION...."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007



Sweeney Todd? Captain Jack? Edward Scissorhands? IT'S THE SAME PERSON.

He's more fake-British than Madonna, but NO ONE gives him any shit for it! HE'S FROM THE MIDWEST, FOR GOD'S SAKE! HE'S NOT A GOOD ACTOR! He knows how to play ONE character in a mediocre fashion and people keep buying into it! OPEN YOUR EYES! REBEL! STOP BUYING INTO THE HOLLYWOOD HYPE! JUST SAY NO TO JOHNNY DEPP!!!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Monday Night Football Haiku

Monday Night Football!
Ravens versus Patriots!
Let's end the New England streak!

Fourth and one to go.
Yay Baltimore! You held them!
Who called that time out?

Sack, sack, Tom Brady!
Ravens defense doing work.
There goes your record!

Fifty-two yard pass!
Oh shit, what a Hail Mary.
Three yards too short, pal.

How did that happen?
New England really won that?
Suck it Tom Brady.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I have a terrible feeling that I just sent an e-mail to everyone in my class instead of just the professor....

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


November is almost over. I have blogged once.

This is appalling.

How did I get so "busy"? Because really, I'm not that busy. Just LAZY. But honestly, does that surprise anyone?

I titled this blog "Slasher" and not "Slacker" because it's not about me being a slacker (really), it's about the surgery I'm getting on December 18th. I'm getting my throat slashed open and a parathyroid gland (or two, we're not sure yet) removed. When I say "throat slashed" I, of course, mean a tiny nick approximately the width of a penny will be made in the front of my neck. The incision is so small that I am actually embarrassed to be staying in the hospital. I decided to write about this via blog because whenever I mention that I'm getting surgery to someone over the phone or in person I get a horrified and semi-apologetic reaction, to the tune of "Oh I'm so sorry!" Don't be so sorry, it's really not a big deal at all. Now I can add one more part of my body to the list of organs I've had removed (two so far) and I get another cool scar to add to my ever-growing collection.

PS: Here's a visual for your enjoyment. The one that I'm getting removed is on the bottom, your left, my right.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Douche Head

It has been like three weeks since my last blog and that is just unacceptable. Sorry for holding out on you readers, I've just been really busy doing nothing. I will kick off the holiday blog season with a little story about my number one German Shepherd friend and love of my life, Vinnie.

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Many of you who already know Vinnie are aware of his deficit in, for lack of a better term, smarts. The product of a show dog and a police K-9, Vinnie can sit and stay wit the best of them but is the unfortunate victim of his own foolish antics. This is the dog who will chase a beam of light into a tree trunk. He has been known to eat yellow jackets, chase (and catch) his own tail, and go to great lengths to avoid walking near the living room heater. It's no surprise, then, that Vinnie is sufferent from a severe knowledge deficit when it comes to appropriate behavior around skunks. Most dogs would investigate a skunk, get sprayed, and avoid the animals if they ever were to come in contact with them again. Not our Vinnie. He just doesn't seem to understand that the black and white kitties don't want to play. Everytime he sees a skunk, without fail, he will not hesitate to run up to it and bark in its face until he is inevitably sprayed. This has caused quite a problem for my mother, who is constantly having to look up new remedies to rid the dog of skunk stink.

After Vinnie's most recent skunking, my mom (being the intrepid hipster that she is) Googled "dog skunk stink wash." She eventually came upon a webforum where a woman in a similar situation had posted an open letter asking for de-skunking advice. A helpful lady hailing from Michigan replied by saying that her vet had recommended using a vinegar-salt-water solution. This solution killed off the stink without fail every time. The only problem? How to use the solution around the sensitive eye area of the dogs. The fix? Douches. There are many salt-vinegar-water douches on the market that are made specifically to extricate vaginal stink but gentle enough not to harm the sensitive genital tissues. To wrap it all up, my mom bought a 3-pack of douches from Rite Aid, covered Vinnie's ample head in them, and was amazed by the results. It really did get rid of every trace of skunk on the dog. So next time you come over and pet Vinnie on the head, you can thank Rite Aid douches for keeping your hand from smelling like skunk.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Partaaaaaay yeah!

I just got home from a partyt!!! It was okay, not very fun but still okay. I wore my halloween costume - it made its debut! Now I cam freaking cobvred in glitter head to toe but that's okay, I cna deal with it tomorrow. I am also a ltitle bit drunk still, but I felt compelled fo blog! None of my roommates avtually made it too the party. Maddie piked on the strairs, Josh puked in the bowl, and Dani had tocome home to take care of the pukers. Then I got a little to drunk and itw asn't fun anymore so I came hjome too. We are supposed to have another party at our hjosue tomorrow night but who knowws if it will happen because everyon'e going to be hung over but me! I feel fab, like a spring chicken in the springtime. Blogger keeps telling me that I'm spelling okay wrong and that's drving me up the wall, so I think I'll go to bed \now.

Faithful readers, jsut keep in mind who's thinking of you at midnght on a Fridayu when she's home from a party earli and still a little bit \tipsed.


PS I am naked to write this...WHY?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Mary Katherine Gallagher in the Med Room

Let me begin this post by explaining the intricacies of working in a hospital environment. On each floor there is a med room that usually houses only a giant Pyxis machine that dispenses medications, a shelf full of syringes and shit, a counter with a sink, and some garbage cans. There's another room on the floor that has all the clean linens and another Pyxis with patient supplies, like bedpans and IV tubes and stuff, called the clean utility room. On the fourth floor of the hospital where I work, I guess space is at a premium because these two rooms are combined into one. The worst part is that this one room is roughly the size of a large closet and set up in a very cramped manner. That being said, here is an educational diagram of the fourth floor med room, including colored dots depicting my placement in the room when the shit hit the fan:

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Now that you understand the set up, let's delve right into the story. I was on the phone with the pharmacy trying to sound badass and convince them to send my patient their medications while my professor waited to log me into the Pyxis. The physical therapist walked in as I was hanging up the phone to introduce her new physical therapy assistant to us and to orient him to the med room. This assistant turned out to be sensationally hot, and the following is a true-to-life account of my actual reaction to his presence in the med room:

Physical Therapist: "So this is where you can get all your supplies....(rounding the corner and seeing me and my professor) Oh hey guys! This is Hot Guy, my new assistant."

Professor: "Hi Hot Guy, nice to meet you."

Me: (attempting to hang up the phone and dropping it into the garbage can) "Oh! Um. Hi! (pulling phone out of garbage and wiping it off) Nice to meet you! I dropped the phone in the garbage! (hanging up phone on receiver and bouncing hip off garbage can in process) Ha! Ha."

Hot Guy: "Ha. (clearly feeling awkward, notices my Steelers badge holder thingy and attempts a subject change) Are you a Steelers fan?"

Me: (dropping binder with patient's med list) "Ha! Okay. (bending over to pick up binder while simultaneously showing off majority of asscrack) What?"

HG: (judging) "Are. You. A. Steelers. Fan."

Me: (straightening up to walk over to the Pyxis with the binder) "Oh! Yes! (shouting unnecessarily) BIG TIME!"

HG: (attempting to walk out the door with other Physical Therapist) "Cool. Well, nice meeting you..."

Me: (knocking over a different binder with a little paper cup of pills on top of it off of the Pyxis) "Did you see? The game on Sunday? Ha. Ha."

HG: (still trying to leave) "No, I missed it."

Me: (bending over and exposing asscrack while attempting to find tossed pills and shouting unnecessarily again) "IT SUCKED! Ha. They lost. To the Broncos."

HG: (finally out the door) "Oh..." (lets the door close)

Me: (talking to no one at this point) "In the last minutes! Broncos had a field goal. Number one worst rated defense in the NFL and they beat us. (mumbling) Rough game." (turning to look at Professor)

Professor: (leaning against counter and laughing with silent judgment) "Okay. Let's get your meds together...."

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Important Question Revisited

Smurf, this is mostly for you:

If you don't know who T-Pain is, stick your index finger into your mouth, pull your cheek away from your gums and say "Gon' buy you a draaaaaank" in a slightly high-pitched voice. I guarantee you'll figure out who he is REAL quick.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I Have An Important Question!

I have already broached this subject with the people sitting at my table at Marci's wedding today, but their answers were rather unsatisfactory, so I'm leaving it up to you, my faithful readers, to help me get to the bottom of this:

Do you think T-Pain brings his own synthesizer to the studio when he collaborates with other artists?

Friday, October 5, 2007


Snaps to Jonathan for the hook up.

Which Office Character Are You?

You are part Michael. Deep down, you are caring and good-natured, but you often express yourself in insensitive ways. Though you always try your hardest to make your talents be seen, you could use a little more self-awareness to avoid being awkward.
You are part Jim. You are personable, easy-going, and always socially aware. Your great sense of humor and impishness soften the blow of what might otherwise be a dark, cutting cynicism.
Find Your Character @

Nordstrom Rack

Today I stumbled upon a Nordstrom Rack in the ghetto that is Colma, California. For those of you not in-the-know, Nordstrom Rack is basically the Nordstrom super outlet. I walked in with some hesitation, as all I really wanted was a pair of the Nordstrom jeans that I so adored. As soon as I arrived I realized that I had entered a bargain shopper's mecca. Apparently The Rack, as I've come to know it, receives new shipments each Friday morning, so my timing was impeccable. I wandered over to a rack of knitwear and almost peed a little in my pants when I started to look at the price tags. Forty percent off! Sixty percent off! NINETY-FIVE PERCENT OFF!!!! I was overwhelmed by the hunger for fashion that took over my body and went into a shopping craze. Two hours later, after bypassing a ninety-nine dollar pair of Ugg boots (normally two hundred), a forty dollar perfume box set (normally seventy five) and fourteen different tops that I determined I could live without, I emerged from the store with two sweaters that normally cost about a hundred dollars each (not exaggerating) and a normally sixty dollar pair of CUTE shoes for the low low total price of just $67.55. Inside that Nordstrom Rack I was forced to make some of the toughest decisions I have ever encountered (I'm still debating about those boots - how often do you find real Uggs in a women's size 11?!) but all in all it was an amazing experience that I look forward to enjoying again on a random Friday morning in the near future.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Best Week Ever


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Helloooooo sailors....

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And I thought I was going to be bored all week.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Another F-ing AIM Blog

[16:32] Vanessa2you: you have to be way more obvious than just giving him your old phone
[16:32] Vanessa2you: you have to make vague plans and then tell him to call you to solidify them
[16:32] Vanessa2you: then he'll be like "wait I don't think you have your number"
[16:32] Vanessa2you: then give it to him
[16:32] Vanessa2you: duh
[16:32] gfunkyg15: you're better at this than I am
[16:33] Vanessa2you: how do you think I score all my men?
[16:33] Vanessa2you: I watch a lot of TV
[16:33] gfunkyg15: hahaha
[16:33] gfunkyg15: I just want to know for sure that he likes me so I can take the next step
[16:33] gfunkyg15: the next step being do him
[16:34] Vanessa2you: oh goodness
[16:34] Vanessa2you: that sounds like a fun step
[16:34] gfunkyg15: its a big one, but I am willing to take itr
[16:34] Vanessa2you: I need to pray to Jesus
[16:34] Vanessa2you: for a man
[16:34] Vanessa2you: to come and put his peepee in me
[16:34] gfunkyg15: i will pray to jesus for a man for you
[16:34] Vanessa2you: thank you
[16:34] gfunkyg15: none of that good vibe shit
[16:34] Vanessa2you: but he probably won't listen because you're a Harry Potter-loving Jew
[16:35] gfunkyg15: good old fashioned praying
[16:35] gfunkyg15: maybe I should change my religion back... [check out Gen's Facebook for her current religious preferences and some back story on the joke.]
[16:35] gfunkyg15: nah, jesus knows a joke when he sees one
[16:35] Vanessa2you: prostrate yourself in the direction of UCSF and pray for hottie surgical intern to do me
[16:35] Vanessa2you: dude you KNOW Jesus loves a good joke
[16:35] gfunkyg15: will do
[16:35] Vanessa2you: I mean, what a cool guy
[16:35] Vanessa2you: he GETS it
[16:35] gfunkyg15: we're like this
[16:36] gfunkyg15: (i just crossed my fingers)
[16:36] Vanessa2you: oh of course

My Humps

Every time I drive up the street to my house, I see this:

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And instead of this:

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All I can think about is this:

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(In very fast motion, of course.)

In other news, Britney's kids got taken away, Seth Rogen is sexy as hell, etc. etc.

Monday, September 24, 2007

If It's Good Enough For _-C_N_, Then It's Good Enough For Me

The soundtrack of my life

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button



She's Hearing Voices - Bloc Party


Disco Club - Black Eyed Peas


Jogi - Punjabi MC


The New Year - Death Cab for Cutie (it's embarrassing that I even have this)


Forrest Whitaker - Brother Ali (YES!)


Luxurious - Gwen Stefani


The Godfather - Harry and the Potters


On - Bloc Party (I guess cocaine really does make life okay....)

Mental Breakdown

Never Let Me Down - Kanye West ft. Jay-Z


Holidae In - Chingy


Cheeseburger in Paradise - Jimmy Buffett


Lucy - Hanson


Everything I Am - Kanye West


What A Fool Believes - Doobie Brothers


She's Losing It - Belle & Sebastian


Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand


All The Trees of the Fields Will Clap Their Hands - Sufjan Stevens (disturbingly appropriate)


Everytime - Britney Spears

Wow, what an amazing note to end on. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Saturday, September 22, 2007


Hello friends. Sorry it's been so long since I've written a good blog; I know some of you (Gen) thrive on these things. I really haven't had anything important to write about until I saw something very special on TV last night: Justin Timberlake.

Not just any show with Justin Timberlake though, the two-hour-plus Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveShow live concert on HBO. Of course, since it was originally taped on Labor Day, it was not live for me. Regardless, it packed quite a punch. If you know me at all you are well aware of my undying affection for Mr. Timberlake, dating back to the sixth grade when Genevieve and AnnE decided they didn't like Backstreet Boys and made me pick a side in the boy band turf war. Luckily I chose the right side and have been a JT lover ever since. His HBO special, while very similar to the many other live shows taped at Madison Square Garden done during his 'NSync days (all of which I have on VHS, thank you very much), filled me with the kind of joy and giddiness best attributed to uncontrolled hormones and a desperate need for male attention. While Thom, Kaci, and I collectively drooled over his impossible hotness ("Look at how blue his eyes are!" "His hands are so MANLY!" "If that shirt were tighter and he were colder you could TOTALLY see his nipples!") I was thrilled to see Justin implement my favorite dance move of all time: The Jagoff! I am including a clip of him doing "SexyBack" during the show. Keep a close eye on his hand motions at approximately 05:20 left in the video and you'll see The Jagoff in all its Timber-loving glory. Also, if you care to continue watching (and why wouldn't you?), between 04:06 and 03:55 you'll notice two more of my favorite drunken dance moves, The Ass-Slap and The Crazy Arm Helicopter. While I usually only rock these moves with a blood alcohol level well above the legal limit and accompany the Arm Helicopter with a loud "WOOOOOOOOO!", it's clear that JT is so drunk on performing that he cannot help but bust them out during the almost-finale of his show. So here it is, the clip of the most heartwarming and beautiful Timber-moves I've ever seen. Enjoy.

Also, for you super fans out there, here's a little chunk featuring "Cry Me A River" that I really just can't get enough of. The show is On Demand for people who get HBO all month, so I suggest you find a friend with On Demand HBO and get on it!

....Aaaaaand last but not least, here's the shit-tacular video for "What Goes Around/Comes Around." Look out for JT telling ScoJo "I FUCKING KNOW YOU." The acting rivals his performance in Alpha Dog.

Friday, September 14, 2007

My Tummy Hurts And Now I'm Bored So I Think I'll Do This Filly-Outty Thing....

1. How did you get the idea for your MySpace name?
- I didn't want to be an emo little bitch so I just used my real name. Duh.

2. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
- Curled up in a ball sleeping in my bed, BUT at 3:02ish YESTERDAY morning I was knocking on my roommate's door and asking her nicely to shut the hell up.

3. What are you listening to right now?
- Stacy on "What Not To Wear" tell some girl that she needs to wear trousers to elongate her body

4. What color is your cell phone?
- Black

5. Do you click on pop-ups?
- When I get really really really bored...sometimes

6. Do you own an iPod?
- His name is Terrence and I love him

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
- Myself of that even a question?

8. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
- Hottie Bearded Intern at Mt. Hermon? I'm going to assume older, but then I have never really talked to him so it's really anyone's guess

9. What did you do last night?
- cooked a chicken quesadilla that made my tummy hurt and watched The Office and fell asleep at like 10:45

10. What do you hope to do this weekend?
- Clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, do homework. I'm kind of a big deal.

11. What are the last two digits of your cell phone number?
- I have three phone numbers; you'll have to be more specific.
San Francisco house: 23
Felton house: 21
Cell: 14

12. What was the last thing that you had to eat?
- Three pieces of sourdough toast with butter and lots of water. My tummy hurts real bad.

13. Who is the last person of the opposite sex that you hugged?
- Leoul! Wow that was an exciting hug too! Oh wait it might have been Thom...I can't remember who was last, either way they are some of my favorite opposite-sexers.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
- Some shitty re-enactment of the Tuskeegee Study at school. I fell asleep.

15. What do you dislike at the moment?
- Hurty tummy, dirty laundry, messy room

16. What food are you craving?
- Hmmm perhaps some chocolate? A truffle maybe?

17. What did you dream last night?
- No comment.

18. What's the last tv show you watched?
- What Not To Wear

19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
- Any of my necklaces that I've gotten for my birthdays.

20. Name 1 person on your Top Friends who knows you best?
- Um pretty much all of them, minus Blue Pig.

21. Do you always lock your door?
- Car door? House door? Room door? Be specific. Car - yes, house - yes, room - sometimes.

23. Are you on any medication?
- Niaspan 1000mg every night.

24. Do you like someone?
- No but my hormones are kind of out of control lately. Every time I see a bearded man I have trouble looking away. This is problematic on the bus, at the store, etc.

26. What is your favorite frozen treat?
- Tough call. I do love a good ChocoTaco, as well as Drumsticks and fudge bars.

27. How many piercings/tattoos do you have?
- Two piercings in each ear, one on the top of my right ear cartilage son.

28. Wheres your favorite place to be?
- Felton! San Francisco! I really like most of the places that I live, or else I wouldn't live there.

30. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
- AnnE, Madeline, Squrty

31. When was the last text you sent?
- Like an hour ago to Bekah.

32. Do you care what people think about you?
- Sometimes, it depends on who they are. I care about what my patients think about me and my teachers and so on. With my friends I am not as concerned.

33. Have you ever done something to make trouble?
- Is this a real question?

34. Where do you wish you were right now?
- I like it right here (living room couch in SF), I just wish I had some more people with me.

35. What is your font color on AIM/MSN?
- green

36. Where do you live?
- San Francisco

37. Have you ever moshed?
- There's not a lot of moshing at 'NSync concerts...

38. What was your first kiss like?
- Haven't had it yet.

39. Do you like the person who posted this last?
- Yes, I would like to have her babies.

40. Do you know their birthday?
- March something. I want to say the first, but I could be wrong. Somewhere near the beginning of the month?

42. What words do you say a lot?
- Shit

43. What do you smell like right now?
- Gain

44. What is your favorite color?
- Purple and green

45. Do you like mustard?
- it is my favorite sandwich condiment.

46. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
- "If we just go cut ourself, all the pain will go away..."

47. Would you ever sky dive?
- no no no no no no o

48. What color is your pillow case?
- I have three pillows; sage green, white dots, and purple

49. If you could say something to your ex what would it be?
- Who are you?

50. Whose was the last stomach you saw?
- Mine. I was looking at it in the mirror because it was hurting!

51. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
- I LOVE hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

52. Have you ever been to California?
- Stupid question.

53. What is the thing that you would most like to change about you?
- My fatness?

53. Did you ever think to yourself and wonder if you're really real?
- This is some existentialist bullshit.

54. What celebrities do people say you look like?
- A bunch of Asians, according to the "what celebrity do you look like" thinger.

55. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but don't?
- Yes because usually if I ask someone to call it's because I really need to talk to them. I don't take phone conversations lightly.

56. Are you a jealous person?
- Yes.

58. What was the last thing you typed?
- "lightly." I re-used Ducky's answer to #56.

59. Do you ever feel guilty about eating meat?
- Only if I knew the meat (RIP Hamletta)

60. What's something you wish you would have known 10 years ago?
- How inconsequential high school really is...I used to think I was such a big deal.

My Name is Vanessa, and I Have a Theory!

THEORY: Chris Martin from Coldplay has a deviated septum.

PROOF: On every Coldplay song I have ever heard it sounds like he has a cold. It's especially prominent on the Coldplay song with Kanye West on his (Kanye's) new album. Either that's one hell of a persistent cold, or else he's got some nasal/septal blockage. Trust me on this, I'm a nurse.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

9 AM On A Weekday?

Here's where you'll find me.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

"Remember Me"

Every time I log into my damn blog I check the little box that says "Remember Me!". It never does.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Birthday Poem

A poem for AnnE Keller on the celebratory day of the twentieth year of her life:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I still like you,
Even though you ditched all your friends to move to Chile for a year so you could go bar hopping with a sea witch and let someone steal your iPod on public transportation and fatten up on cheap pastries and drag your big ass up some f-ing huge mountains.


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Most Profound Thing I Have Ever Heard From A Professor

"Just pretend like you know what you're doing and try not to look stupid."

- Dr. Pauly-O'Neil, USF School of Nursing faculty member, on performing procedures on patients in the clinical setting.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Really Important E-Mails With My Mom (Edited for the Masses)

>Subject: Hey bitch
>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:25:31 -0400
>Here's *********'s (she spells it with an "h" because she's a dipshit) address. I don't remember how much we owe her - however much we paid the other two girls.
>******* "Dipshit" ********
>Saratoga, CA 95070
>Peace bitch, see you Wednesday.
>Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - >

From: Kelley Smith
Subject: RE: Hey bitch
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 4:17 pm
Thanks Bitch


See what you’re getting into…before you go there

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Bakk 2 Skool

Wouldn't that be a great name for an early-90's hip hop group?

I'm bored. I feel like I have a lot to write about but I don't really have anything to say, you know what I mean? Come visit me at my badass new house in San Francisco.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Another Scary Bug

I had to go to bed early tonight because there was another scary bug in my living room. This time it was a creepy beetle with a pointy beetle head and six beetle legs and wings and antennae. It was flying around the lampshade and when it would land on the wall or the table there was an audible thump. Rather than killing the bug, I once again opted to retreat to my room and write a blog about it (see the original bug blog). I have at least four pets who would have been more than happy to eat that bug. If I weren't such a wuss that little bastard would be cat food right now.

Friday, August 10, 2007

An Open Letter to the Triathlete Driving Down Highway 9 in Front of Me on Sunday

Dear Triathlete,

Hi, it's me, the large angry girl in the small shitty car. You may recall seeing me in your rearview mirror while you were driving down highway nine towards Santa Cruz on Sunday. Remember? I was the one riding your ass while distorting my face into hideous contortions and beating my forehead against the steering wheel. I'd like to talk to you about a few things that concerned me during our thiry-two minute jaunt through the redwoods. Let's start with my first issue: your athleticism. Actually, not so much your athleticism, it's more in the way you assert it. I'm assuming you're pretty into physical fitness. How did I guess? Well, the first clue was your "TRIATHLETE: SWIM. BIKE. RUN." license plate frame - a must-have for any serious competitor, I'm sure. Judging by your Ironman bumper sticker, you are REALLY into triathlons. Good for you. Wait a minute, what's that? Oh my God, it's ANOTHER bumper sticker. Wow cool, the evolution of man portrayed by a swimmer, biker, and runner. You must have paid a pretty penny for that one!
Sorry, that came off a little sarcastic. I probably would have enjoyed the triathlete paraphenalia more if I hadn't been forced to stare at it for a full thirty-two minutes. Yes, thirty-two minutes. That is how long it took me to drive from my house to my church. It has never taken me anywhere near that long before. Do you know why I usually get to church in less than thirty-two minutes? I think it probably has to do with the fact that I go faster than twenty-five miles per hour. I know, call me crazy, but I make it a priority to do at least the speed limit on any given road, usually even a few (meaning 10+) miles per hour faster! Also, if I ever have a line of three or more cars behind me (which I don't, ever, but let's be hypothetical here), I pull over to let them pass! I'm sure you were too busy adjusting your balls in your Speedo to notice, but at one point there were EIGHT cars behind you! I even had time to count them because you were going so slow I didn't even have to watch the road anymore!
Anyway, Triathlete, sorry to get so down on you. Next time you see someone tailgaiting you and ripping out their hair in frustration, or perhaps even crying a little, you should probably pull over and let them pass; otherwise, so help me God, I will not hesitate to hunt you down and let all the air out of your bike tires at your next triathlon.

Sincerely Yours,

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

She Works Hard For The Money

What I did at work on Monday:

-Fed Zoe breakfast
-Cleaned Zoe up from breakfast
-Put Zoe on the potty
-Showed Zoe how I pee pee on the potty
-Gave Zoe a chocolate chip for sitting on the potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Brushed Zoe's teeth, washed her face, brushed her hair
-Packed up some snacks and a cup of water.
-Went to the store and bought Zoe a new pair of shoes.
-Drove to Ace Hardware and bought two different kinds of mousetraps
-Put Zoe back in the car
-Drove back to Zoe's house
-Made Zoe lunch
-Watched Zoe eat lunch
-Gave Zoe a bottle
-Sat Zoe on potty (see routine above)
-Put Zoe down for a nap
-Put away clean dishes
-Washed the dirty dishes
-Cleaned kitchen
-Ate lunch
-Assembled all bills
-Mailed all bills
-Emptied dishwasher
-Put Zoe on potty
-Got Zoe dressed
-Played with Zoe
-Walked around with Kacie
-Snuggled Kacie
-Jiggled Kacie
-Rocked Kacie
-Put Zoe in high chair for dinner
-Went home

What Theresa did while I worked on Monday:

-Fed Kacie
-Printed checks
-Watched "Ellen"
-Vetoed all of the mousetraps purchased for her
-Ate lunch
-Shopped online for baby toys
-Went on a walk with Zoe
-Complained about how busy she is and how hard it is to be a mom

Monday, August 6, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. Who The Hell Knows

bestdbspaz: your jealous
Vanessa2you: no
Vanessa2you: I see Chile has not done much to further your English grammar skills
Vanessa2you: *you're
bestdbspaz: no i just dont care

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Hey Guys, I Have a Fun Idea!

Let's go see Brother Ali together!

He's at the Bill Graham Civic on August 5th! We can all go, then we can all have a sleepover party at my new house before my roommates move in! It'll be great!

Seriously, let's make this happen.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I just finished it. Ten minutes ago. An eight-year chapter of my life has effectively ended. I can die now and be okay. If I get some kind of terminal disease, I can't use this as my Make-A-Wish Foundation wish anymore. I don't know how I feel about that. If you think I'm going to give away anything about the book then clearly you know nothing about me and we are not friends. This has been the best and worse day of my life.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Things To Do While Taking A Shit

- Read
- Check E-mail
- Chat online with friends
- Talk on the phone
- Pet your kitty/doggy
- Write a sympathy card
- Brush your hair
- Fill out a questionnaire
- Call a technical support hotline
- Listen to music and toilet-dance
- Pluck your eyebrows (only advisable with a mirror in sight)
- Take a nap
- Get naked
- Get dressed
- Pee
- Crack your knuckles
- Make a collage
- Shop on the internet
- Whistle/sing/hum a song
- Do homework/study
- Endorse paychecks
- Talk to friends and family in the immediate vicinity
- Courtesy flush
- Write a blog

Friday, July 13, 2007

Harry Potter Movie Review EXTRAVAGANZA!

For those of you not currently in the know, my dad hooked me and three friends (Cassady, Gen, and my mom) up with tickets to a free preview screening of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. As always, the movie was nowhere near the greatness of the book. It did not, however, suck as much as other Harry Potter movies I have seen. For your viewing pleasure, here is my character-by-character review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Note: I have to use the character names because I don't know/give a shit about what the actor's real names are):

Harry Potter: Damn son, you are one ugly bastard. I wouldn't mind your face so much if you could act, but you can't, so I basically hate you. You are one of the two main reasons I typically dislike the HP movie franchise.

Ron Weasley: Holy crap, when did you hit puberty? Call me when you decide to trim that bowl cut and grow some facial hair....maybe we could work something out.

Hermione Granger: Why why why why WHY do you suck SO MUCH?! How the hell did you get this job?! You are perhaps an even worse actor than the guy who plays Harry Potter, and that's really saying something. You don't even try to look like Hermione anymore! You have some of the funniest and sassiest lines in the Order of the Phoenix book and you somehow managed to screw up in your delivery of EVERY SINGLE ONE! You ruined my favorite Harry Potter joke ever. Do us all a favor and go into rehab or die or something so you don't ruin Half-Blood Prince for me too.

Weasley Twins: In the words of my good friend Genevieve, "I would do them both...AT THE SAME TIME!" Again, grow some facial hair and we can talk.

Ginny Weasley: If you don't show me your mother f-ing bat bogey hex in the next movie, I swear to God I will start hating you.

Dean Thomas: Sorry the powers that be decided that Seamus should hook up with Ginny at the end instead of you. I guess interracial relationships just aren't cool with the kids these days. Keep on keeping on, brother.

Seamus Finnigan: Ohhhh man....I know Cassady says you're only 5'2" in real life, but your accent and charming Irish looks more than make up for it. If you were to, say, grow a full beard, there's probably no one in the world who could keep me from having sex with you. Let's get on that, shall we?

Luna Lovegood: OH MY GOSH YOU ARE AMAZING! Whoever cast you should be paid twice their current salary. You kept this movie from being a complete turd, and I thank you for that.

Bellatrix Lestrange: I didn't know Amy Winehouse was an actress!

Snape: You scare the shit out of me and you're perfect and I love you. Actually, I hate you with all my heart, but I love your acting skills. You know what I mean.

Dolores Umbridge: Perfect cough, perfect clothes, but just didn't look enough like a toad.

Tonks: Boo. Poor choice.

Voldemort: Holy mother of God, you are sosososo frightening. I can't wait for you to get your ass kicked.

Well there you have it friends, my extensive review of Harry Pott and the Order of the Phoenix. Overall I give it a B-. This less-than-stellar review will not, of course, keep me from buying it the day it comes out on DVD and having a screening at my house. Maybe we'll even have more licorice wands...

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fourth of July Blog

Ahh, Independence Day, the most boring holiday our nation has to offer! Of course I had to celebrate because it was also Genevieve's 21st birthday! Now, in no particular order, the top ten reasons I love Gen:

1. She is a Jew.
2. She has curly curly Jew hair.
3. Her supreme hatred of all things Asian, including but not limited to Asian drivers, Asian designs, Asian art, etc.
4. How well she handles her liquor - with a lesser woman, yesterday's celebration could have gotten rather ugly.
5. The way that she managed to go to private snobby schools for the last six years and only be elitist in her quest for Ugg boots and her distaste for the Asian nation.
6. How gay she is for Ben Folds.
7. The way that she always makes sure we don't go too long without talking or seeing each other.
8. The fact that she has never farted on me, unlike most of my other friends (ANNE).
9. She can burp so loudly that it scares my pets, which is both impressive and attractive.
10. Her big big boobies.

Happy Birthday Jew, I hope you had as good a time at your fiesta as I did.

A quick highlight from the afterparty at the Kellers' with Uncle Rick:

Mark "Super Sup" Keller (while sitting outside on the deck with fireworks exploding all over the place): "God damn, this sounds like we're in Oakland."

Stay classy, Mark.

Monday, July 2, 2007


WOW! Oh man! Last night after a magnificent SCD dinner with two of my best bitches Cassady and AnnE, Cassady and I decided to go see Sicko at the Del Mar. First of all, don't judge me for watching Michael Moore films - I take them with a grain of salt, and I enjoy a good documentary (no matter how biased it may be), so suck it. Anyhoo, this story isn't really about the movie - which, by the way, was great - it's about the most exciting discovery I have ever made.

The Del Mar, for those of you not native to the Santa Cruz area, is a really old and awesome theater downtown, kind of near that weird shack that sells vegetarian bagels and crap. The Del Mar has been my favorite movie theater for quite a while. They're always showing semi-independent films and the grand auditorium has the most comfortable seats and best views of the screen I have ever experienced. The only problem I've ever had with the Del Mar is the women's bathroom.

First of all, the women's room is up on the second floor. Anyone who knows me knows the extent of my laziness makes it nearly impossible for me to climb the twenty-something steps up to the potty, unless I REALLY have to go. Secondly, they use the gross powdery Borax-y soap that just doesn't give me the clean that I'm looking for after a good potty session. The real clincher, though, is the individual toilet stalls. Let me paint a picture for you: as you walk into the bathroom, there's a rather large lounge area with a couch, chair, table, and multiple mirrors. These mirrors become terrifying once you enter the stalls because the stall doors are only about three feet high and rise off the ground about a foot and a half. This means that you are basically only covered from knee to shoulder, or, if you're tall like me, shin to chest. Even when I'm sitting down, I can still see over the stall doors. The sides of the stalls are equally tiny. This can make for awkward situations when you are forced to take a pee while making eye contact with a complete stranger waiting for their friend in the lounge. It gets even more awkward when someone accidentally leaks a fart and everyone in the vicinity can see them begin to blush with their head poking out above the stall (not that this has ever happened to me personally; I don't fart). To sum it all up, the bathroom is a far from private wait to take care of some very private business.

I was on my way out of the grand auditorium to release my bladder before the movie yesterday when I happened to look to my left. This glance quickly became life-changing as I realized that there is ANOTHER WOMEN'S BATHROOM ON THE FIRST FLOOR! I gasped and walked briskly to the door, hoping against hope that it was more private than the upstairs. Imagine my glee when I discovered that it was a SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM! It was just a toilet, sink, and paper towel holder all closed off behind a heavy locking door. I had always wondered how the upstairs bathroom was considered handicap acessible, only to find out that it wasn't and there was a separate accessible bathroom downstairs.

With that being said, this is one of the best discoveries I have ever made in Santa Cruz, and as much I have enjoyed telling you about it, I urge you, readers, not to use my special secret potty. It took me almost ten years to find it, and it's just not fair for you all to show up and use it just because you heard about it from a friend. In conclusion, be content with the fact that there's a secret toilet in the Del Mar theater, but stay the hell away from it.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Jesus Our Brother, Strong and Good

The title of this blog is a line from my favorite Christmas song, "The Friendly Beasts." I was talking to Squirt earlier about all of the previously mentioned (refer to my last blog) shit going on in my life right now and I realized that I just needed to relax and listen to the Sufjan Stevens Christmas box set. I can honestly say that nothing cheers me up faster than Christmas music. It fills my heart with. Thanks, Sufjan, for keeping me joyful all year long. Except "Little Drummer Boy," that song sucks ass...Unless it's being sung by Dwight Schrute and Angela. Then I guess it's okay.

Wow, this blog is ridiculous.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The (un)Luckiest

It has been almost ten days since I've blogged. I feel disgusted with myself.

I am so sorry that you have been so supremely neglected, blog. I will do my very best to keep up with you from now on. At least twice a week, that much I can guarantee.

Like I mentioned in my last blog, I have been really really busy. This is still true and it's most of the reason that I haven't blogged in almost ten days. I work basically full time but very odd hours so I never really have time to get stuff done. Oh well, I guess that's what happens to adults. I also haven't let myself stop and relax at all because some crazy shit has been going down and I'm afraid that if I really stop to think about it I might have a wee bit of a breakdown. I feel like I've been putting forth a good effort in the past three or four months to really be more positive and do the things that I should be doing instead of just dicking around. It's frustrating to give life your all and to have things continue to unravel around you. I keep trying roll with the punches and take what I get but it just seems like the punches won't stop coming, and they're getting harder and harder too. I know my problems are way less serious than a lot of things that people have to deal with, but to me they're all a big deal. I think I'm starting to move on, which is good. I just hope my unlucky streak is over for a while. Sometimes it's hard to remember that things happen for a reason.

On a lighter note, I've decided to buy a PS3. Hang out with me now, because hopefully by mid-July I will be too immersed in my games to even leave the house.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Busy Bees

Today at church everyone was supposed to be laying hands on people and praying and while the pastor was praying out loud everyone else was mumbling things like "Yes Jesus" and "Praise you Lord" under their breath. It sounded like a bumblebee hive. This isn't what I planned to write about at all, but writing "Bees" in the title made me think that I should share that story with you.

I meant to write about the fact that I'm really really busy. I basically have Wednesday and every other Saturday off. This Saturday I'm off. Next Saturday I'm not. Get it? I shouldn't complain though because my life has taken a few very big and very significant turns in the past couple of days and in all likelihood I'm going to need a lot of money to be able to afford the next year or so. Stay tuned to find out.

If you need to find me, check at the VanDerWalde's or in the Registration building at Mount Hermon. If I'm not there, just look around for the tired-looking girl with no clean clothes depositing six different paychecks at the bank.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Gotta Let It Burn


I got so burned today. Multiple times. There's really nothing I can do about it but swear. If you're lucky I might put up some pictures of the first burning (sunburn) tomorrow when it doesn't hurt so bad to move.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Summer Movies Are Really Heating Up!

Has anyone seen the trailer for the new Angelina Jolie movie? What a shitfest. Nice perm and fake accent, Angelina. Maybe for the next flick you could try some fake acting skills.

Since I only have five friends and four of them are currently incapacitated with work or wisdom teeth, I'm pretty sure only Smurf is reading these. SHOUT OUT!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. X: AnnE Keller

bestdbspaz: i sneezed all night cause of your house
bestdbspaz: excuse me**you're
Vanessa2you: no dipshit
Vanessa2you: you were right the first time


Mika's right. If you're suckin' too hard on your lollipop, your love's gonna get you down. It's just so true.

In other news, I finally saw "Alpha Dog." My life is now complete.

Vanessa2you: I feel like I need to blog
Vanessa2you: but I don't really have anything to sayyyyyy
bestdbspaz: the valley will do that to you

Sorry guys.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Phone Bill

This is not the blog I meant to write tonight. The blog I meant to write was supposed to be about all the crap I did last week. It included pictures and witty captions. I decided to put off that blog when I began to read the "detail" section of my cell phone bill. How did I go from photo blog to cell phones? I had a bunch of phone pictures I needed to e-mail myself on the internet to put on the blog, which required me to log in to my Verizon account and download them to my computer, etc. After a ten minute ordeal in trying to remember my username, resetting my password, and trying to remember what the last four digits of my mom's social security number was, I remembered that my bill had been unusually high lately. I decided to investigate. I clicked on the section that had the breakdown of every single minute I used and call I made. I scanned the page for reasons behind all the extra charges (about sixteen 411 calls - my bad) and I was quickly lost in a trance of old conversations that occurred during the month of May. I don't know if you've ever read that particular section of a phone bill but it is possibly one of the most intriguining and saddening things I've ever done. Looking back I realized a few things about myself and my phone habits.

#1: I still don't like to talk on the phone. At all. My longest conversation clocked in at twenty-five minutes, and that was due mostly to me being on hold for about 15.

#2: Sort of along the same train of thought as #1, my longest calls (ten minutes or more) are to one of three people; Genevieve, Sarah Balch, and Nate; which is weird because I don't really remember talking to Nate or Sarah for such long lengths of time. I feel like those times might have a lot to do with hold times as well.

#3: It's really interesting and pretty heartbreaking to look back and see who you talked to so often only a month ago. It's crazy that I barely call Meagen or Natasha anymore. I suppose you would get the same feeling reading through someone's comments on The 'Space or The 'Face, but I feel like phone conversations are just so much more personal. It just kind of trips me out to know that I worked up the guts to call someone and talk live and in person over the phone a month ago that I haven't spoken with since then (Natashaaaaa...).

#4: Cell phones are some expensive shit. I still don't really understand what exactly is costing me somewhere around sixty dollars a month, I just know that I need to cut back on the 411 calls.

#5: My memory is pretty amazing. I can look at all of the longer calls and sort of remember what we talked about and where I was or what I was doing while I was on the phone. I impressed myself a little bit.

I guess I really am pretty overwhelmed with seeing all those old numbers on there, especially Nate and Natasha's because we don't really talk anymore and it's crazy to see how often we used to call each other. I can't believe I've been out of school for a month (how do I know? I got my period) and my summer is 1/4 over already. I don't really know how to end this; I guess I'll just have to make it a point to call Natasha tomorrow.

Saturday, June 9, 2007


And the living's easy.

I usually don't check my e-mail until late at night (meaning after 11), usually just before I go to bed. This guarantees that my inbox has had the maximum amount of working hours to accumulate new mail so that I almost always have a lot of new messages when I sign on. Lately I've been kind of disappointed because no one's really been leaving me any comments on the 'Space or the 'Face. Tonight, after getting online only to realize that my inbox was filled with spam and a stupid forward from my dad, I came to understand the beauty of an empty inbox. I see now that my lack of comments from my friends doesn't mean that they care less about talking to me; quite the opposite in fact. It means that I am seeing them so much in REAL LIFE - actual face-to-face quality time spent together - that they don't need to leave me stupid internet messages to keep me up to date. AnnE doesn't need to tell me that she finally found ate a Tacos Moreno burrito today; I was there with her. Cassady doesn't have to send me a picture of her hair in the douchebaggy hipster shoelace/headband she rocked today. I saw it in person and reminded her of how douchey it truly was. Smurfy didn't leave me a comment about her friend Jordan finally being in Mount Hermon, instead I met him in person and we all hung out together at her house and watched a movie. It might be corny - in fact, it's definitely corny, but I don't really care. This is definitely my favorite part of summer.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

I've Been Listening to the Radio Recently...

En Oh.
Tea Oh.
Are Eye.
You Ess.
You just.
Lay down.

I'm going going.
Back back.
To Cali Cali.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


For the last few nights I have been tuning in to Loveline on the radio at 11:00 PM. I love it. It combines the two things I love most in this world - sexual humor and bodily functions. I am not radio listener, but damn. This is some good stuff. The best is when either the really young kids call in or the really stoned kids call in. If you've never listened to Loveline, you should start.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Cell Phone's Dead

As of this very moment, there are three different cell phones of three separate brands (Motorola, LG, and Samsung) plugged into the wall directly to my right. There is yet another dead cell phone (Motorola) lying in a box on the floor to my left. If you haven't already heard the news, I have been going through some minor cell phone drama lately. About two months ago I accidentally tossed my (Motorola...RIP) phone into the toilet while reaching for a hair-tie, resulting in a devastating loss of many numbers and pictures. LUCKILY, I have cell phone insurance, which delivered a brand new phone of the exact same type (Motorola) to me a few days later. While OPENING THE BOX THE NEW PHONE WAS IN, I fumbled and accidentally tossed the new phone onto the floor, cracking the back plate right below the battery in half. I wasn't too worried, however, as the crack was only cosmetic and didn't affect the phone's performance in any way. Two weeks ago I was in the middle of an important text session with my fabulous roommate Meagen when my phone's screen became a rainbow of pixelation with no discernable pattern. LUCKILY, I happened to be at Sarah Balch's house and she had happened to get a new phone that very day and there just happened to be her old phone lying around with the same service provider as me (Verizon, holla). I immediately had my service switched to her phone (LG) and resumed my text conversation with that. The next day I stopped into the Verizon store to see what they could do about my phone issues. After being forced to harass three different people for help, David Ralston (if you know who he is, you know what that I went through is twelve times worse than it seems) informed me that I needed to go through my insurance company AGAIN for a new phone.
Finally, five days later, my new phone arrived. I switched the service over from the LG to my beautiful new Motorola and immediately received a call from the one and only Sarah Balch. Imagine my dismay when I could not hear her! The new phone they sent me had a defective ear speaker. I once again called the insurance company to get yet another new phone. Apparently, in the four days it took for me to receive my new phone, they stopped making the model of Motorola I had. I was forced to take on a Samsung phone with comparable features, which ended up working out for the best because it's an awesome phone. They express shipped (meaning three days instead of four) the new phone to me, but in the meantime I had to use an embarassing headset to answer all of my calls, forcing me to look like a total tool for the past few days. Today I finally got my new Samsung and it is now charging the required twelve hours necessary before I can activate it. I am also charging the LG in order to retrieve all my contacts and the Motorola with the defective earpiece so that I can still send and receive calls before I activate my Samsung. Next on my list: repair the laptop I am currently using so that I don't have to apply pressure to the left side when I type in order to make the words appear. It should be a good week.

Guilty Blog Part 2

Sorry sorry sorry. I promised you multiple blogs on Oregon festivities and now, three days later, nothing. I'm kind of over the whole installment thing so here's the Reader's Digest version: drove to Eugene, got a room, went to get dinner, dropped the oil cap into the car's chassis, called AAA to fish out the cap, had to get a new (used) oil cap, went to the most AMAZING show ever, came back and went to bed, left at 6:30 AM, got to Medford and ate breakfast with MADELINE!, overheated in South Weed, CA, pulled over at a rest stop in Redding, found out our car was dead and we needed a new alternator, drove 5 miles to Red Bluff, died, found a garage, waited two hours, got back on the road, overheated in Oroville, arrived in San Francisco around 9, got picked up by my mommy, and eventually got home around 10:30, which makes my trip a whopping SIXTEEN HOURS LONG. If you want any more details feel free to ask. Sorry this took so long, I do feel guilty about it, but mama's been busy! Until tomorrow, my friends...

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Oregon Field Trip Part 1: "You Ain't Gotta Love Meeee...."

Well I just (22 hours ago, whatever) got back from my little Oregon adventure and I have so much to tell you! Since I know you guys (my three faithful readers) are just DYING to hear every little detail I'm going to do this blog in installments, beginning at the beginning (duh) and ending at the end. Each blog will also get an Ali lyric as the title, since I'm creative like that. Anyway, on to the story....
As many of you already know, I had been planning a field trip to Eugene, Oregon since the end of March/beginning of April to go see my new favorite rapper Brother Ali. The original plan for the trip was to drive from Santa Cruz to Eugene with a friend and meet up with my fabulous roommate Meagen and our good friend Kaci, who were driving down from Seattle the same day as we were going to be driving up. It was the perfect scenario; however, due to some unforeseen complications, the original plan was shot to hell about eight days before the show. I responded to this disappointment in my usual manner - crying, moping, complaining, etc. After a few days of this type of behavior, I realized that I still had a lot of options open. I figured I would just wait and see what happened.
What ended up happening was a huge paycheck that I was not expecting to be as big as it was. I took this as a sign from Jesus that I should just sack up and go to Oregon by myself, so I decided to buy a one-way plane ticket to Portland. Meagen and Kaci could pick me up and I would drive with them the last two hours to Eugene. They agreed that it was an awesome idea, and four days later I was on my way to San Jose International Airport (which actually only has domestic flights - go figure).
Now would be a good time to mention my horrible fear of flying. I think it stems from a combination of my deathly fear of heights and my desperate lack of control while on a plane. I have only flown a total of four previous times and I had never flown alone. Needless to say, I was somewhat anxious getting on the flight. To be brief, I made it out alive and no worse for wear. Some highlights include: after telling airport security that I had no liquids in my carry-on, a bag search revealed a full-size bottle of lotion, facewash, hair products, and perfume (for some reason it didn't click with me that the suitcase I was not checking was also considered a carry-on); taking my seat on the plane only to realize that I was surrounded by fussing babies...literally surrounded, I had a baby to my right, one in front of me, twins behind me, and another baby behind them; crying silent tears and clasping my hands firmly in my lap during take-off and landing; and most notably attempting to calm my nerves by watching a few episodes of "Scrubs" and "The Office" on my iPod, only to realize that I had accidentally deleted ALL TV shows from my iPod while putting on a new song. Basically, I had nothing to do but listen to that damn Gwen Stefani and Akon song over and over again since it was stuck in my head like WHOA!
After all that drama, I finally arrived at the airport, picked up my poor suitcase filled with liquids from baggage claim, and hopped into Meagen's car. I think that's where we'll stop for tonight...stay tuned for the next installment!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


I just accidentally listened to some reggae. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced; right up there with my root canal and being catheterized.

That's one minute and twenty-three seconds of my life that I can never get back.

PS: I'm leaving for the airport now...pray for me.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Pity Party

I'm writing this from Sarah Balch's house right now on her computer from the future. It has taken her approximately one hour to take care of all her "feminine needs," due to impossible cramps and a lack of feminie hygiene products in her house, even though there are five girls in her family. One hour and a trip to Safeway later, I'm still waiting. We are supposedly going to drink hot chocolate and watch The Departed. My prediction: we'll drink about a quarter of our hot chocolate and then fall asleep forty-five minutes into the movie. It may seem a little cynical but really it's all good to me.
As of about fifteen minutes ago, I decided I was officially over my pity party. If you didn't already know (and I'm sure you did, since only about six people read this and I know they know), I've had kind of a difficult week that has basically culminated in me feeling really badly about myself. It even carried over into my trip to the lovely and fabulous Central Valley. I was so excited to see Ducky and Guido and their assorted family members but I still couldn't stop feeling a little bit bummed. Don't get me wrong; I had an AMAZING time - shout outs to Ducky and Guido for some killer snuggling and swimming! - I just couldn't stop talking about how tweedled I was. The same thing started up again tonight at Sarah's. Brenda asked what was up and I told her the whole saga and I just got really down again. This is it, though. I'm officially done. I don't want to feel bad about stupid shit anymore so I'm just not going to. Sarah's back now and she's singing a song to her phone and talking so fast I don't know what she's actually saying. I'm nodding and agreeing while I type. Sarah Balch is amazing, Ducky and Guido are amazing, and Oregon will be amazing when I fly up there tomorrow! Wish me luck, because I'm pretty freaking sure my plane will crash due to me being so damn paranoid about flying in the first place. Movie time!

PS: Here's awesome banner Ducky's sister made for us during our CV pity party! It's not quite as cool as Army banner, but it's awesome nonetheless. I want it muraled onto the wall in my room...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Douche Bags

I found this video on Smurf's computer last night and I had to upload it to YouTube to share with the world. Apparently she claims we had been doing this for like an hour but this was the only clip she caught on film. I don't actually remember this at all, but I can only assume that it was an hour of excitement. Enjoy a little taste of what live is like with Vanessa and Gen (aka Dory and Triton).

Memorial Day Weekend

The weekend that all of the San Lorenzo Valley celebrates together. What could be better? We kick things off with the ever-exciting "Felton Remembers" Parade, featuring no less than forty schoolchildren, at least six middle-aged slightly overweight belly dancers, an abundance of livestock, and even a few veterans. For some reason my dad was volunteered to be an official parade organizer this year - he was even given a walkie-talkie radio, so apparently he was kind of a big deal. I didn't exactly make it to the parade, since it starts at 10 AM and finishes by, oh 10:30ish, but I assume it was amazing.

From there we move on to one of three activities: the Covered Bridge Festival at the park, the Civil War reenactment in Roaring Camp, or the Boulder Creek Art & Wine Festival in downtown BC. My family tends to opt for the Boulder Creek Art & Wine Festival, which they did again this year. I opted for none, since I have partaken in all of them far too many times before. However, after all of these activities comes the real celebration - the annual Smith Family Memorial Day Barbecue. If you have never been to a Smith Family BBQ/Dorypalooza, let me break it down for you: everyone gets pretty drunk, eats a ton of food, talks for hours, and laughs really really really hard. Generally speaking, a good time is had by all. Tonight's BBQ was no exception. This year featured the requisite barbecued chicken and hot dogs, as well as about sixteen salads, a ton of side dishes, and two desserts, including a badass red white and blue cake Cassady and I made. We even had a baby to pass around and snuggle with all night. When the weather turned cold we busted out the portable fire pit and started in on the storytelling. I don't really know what the point of this blog is except to say that if you came today, thanks for stopping by, and if you didn't come, you really missed out. I'm sure it'll be the same routine for the Fourth of July and my sister's graduation party, so feel free to stop on by anytime. Mi backyard furniture es su backyard furniture!

PS: Check out our cake and prepare to be amazed. The inner layers were red white and blue too, and yes, that IS fondant.
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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Let's Talk in REAL LIFE Sometime

I know I'm blogging twice in like five minutes but I couldn't get online last night and it was really frustrating. I'm basically spilling over with funny crap to share with you guys. Here's a real-life (shocking, I know) conversation I had with Sarah Balch while leaving her house last night.

Me: "Okay bye"
Sarah: (nice happy voice) "Bye!" (scary angry satanic yell) "DON'T DO IT!"
I stare at Sarah in shock and horror and nod.
Sarah: (nice happy voice again)"Drive safe!"

What a freak. I love her.

My New Favorite Worship Song

It's really about Jesus y'all....

"Whatta Man" - Salt N Pepa

Yeah, yeah (Oooo)
Uh, hey hey
All right, yeah


What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the man that's made a difference in my world
And although most men are ho's he flows on the down low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl
But I don't sweat it because it's just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that he said/she said crowd
I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it
So here's to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have your baby


My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass
A body like Arnold with a Denzel face
He's smart like a doctor with a real good rep
And when he comes home he's relaxed with Pep
He always got a gift for me everytime I see him
A lot of snot-nosed ex-flames couldn't be him
He never ran a corny line once to me yet
So I give him stuff that he'll never forget
He keeps me on Cloud Nine just like the Temps
He's not a fake wannabe tryin' to be a pimp
He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans
He's a God-sent original, the man of my dreams
Yes, my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not
Tryin' to rush me good and touch me in the right spot (in my heart...duh)
See other guys that I've had, they tried to play all that mac shit
But every time they tried I said, "That's not it"
But not this man, he's got the right potion
Baby, rub it down and make it smooth like lotion
Yeah, the ritual, highway to heaven
From seven to seven he's got me open like Seven Eleven
And yes, it's me that he's always choosin'
With him I'm never losin', and he knows that my name is not Susan
He always has heavy conversation for the mind
Which means a lot to me cuz good men are hard to find


My man gives real loving that's why I call him Killer
He's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, he's a thriller
He takes his time and does everything right
Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night
He's a real smooth brother, never in a rush
And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch
Spends quality time with his kids when he can
Secure in his manhood cuz he's a real man
A lover and a fighter and he'll knock a knucker out
Don't take him for a sucker cuz that's not what he's about
Every time I need him, he always got my back
Never disrespectful cuz his mama taught him that (shout out to Mary!)


...Is this sacreglious?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

(Stolen) From Ducky With Love Part II: Phone Survey

Most people can't live without their cell phone... so here's a survey about it.

Okay? Go Grab your phone! <--this command caused a genuine panic in my heart because I couldn't find the damn phone.

1. What color?
Black and silver

2. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?

3. Who's the last person you called?
Leoul...he didn't pick up :o(

4. Who is the last missed call from?

5. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Dad's cell phone der

6. Who's speed dial 2?
Mom's cell phone (Ducky, how do you not know how to find this out?)

7. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
Jew (Genevieve)

8. Who was your last received call from?
Sarah Balch of course

9. Who's speed dial number number 4?
Dad's cell phone, again

10. What is your background?
a picture of a hand holding a sticker that says "Felton, California" in front of what looks like a frapuccino courtesy of Nate Curry

11. How many texts are currently in your inbox?

12. Who's speed dial #1?

13. What's the 5th message say in your inbox?
"Are ya'll at church?"

14. Who's the first person that comes up under G?
Grandpa cell phone - yes, my 74 year old grandpa has a cellphone

15. Who was your last text message from?

16. Name every person you have text messages from:
Matt Meagen Nate

17. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under S?
SARAH BALCH! Cell phone, not home.

18. Who's the 9th person on your missed calls?

19. What does the 6th message in your outbox say?
"cool cool"

20. Who is the first name in your Phonebook?
Angles hair salon...classy

21. Who is the last name in your phonebook?
Yeshi, my favorite Ethiopian.

22. Do you have a camera phone?
Who doesn't these days? Even my mother has a camera phone.

23. Who is the last person under D?
DUCKY! What a coincidence!

24. What does your first text message say?
It's a picture message. <--mine too, the picture is Nate holding his camera up in a mirror with his buck teeth in. Once again, classy.

25. Who is the third person under K?
No k's. What a sad note to end on...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


That was a relaxed "ahhhh," not a screaming "AHHHH!"

There's nothing like an eyebrow wax to make you feel really good about yourself.

Monday, May 21, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. IX: CHAT ROOM!

I have got to stop with these things.

[23:08] QueenRandom87: omg you guys I have to poo SO hard. I need to go kick my sister out of the bathroom
[23:09] QueenRandom87: (brb)
[23:09] Vanessa2you: nice playa
[23:09] squirtadero: hahaha
[23:09] Vanessa2you: takin the poo talk to the streets yall
[23:09] AMsquirrel624: ewww
[23:09] AMsquirrel624: why did you have to tell us ducky!
[23:09] Vanessa2you: I won't lie
[23:09] AMsquirrel624: gross
[23:09] Vanessa2you: I'm on my laptop with a 30 ft long internet cable taking a poop right now
[23:09] Vanessa2you: beat that
[23:09] squirtadero: ew
[23:09] AMsquirrel624: EWWW
[23:09] squirtadero: toooooo much information dory
[23:09] CarolAnnCallahan: sick out
[23:09] squirtadero: way too much
[23:09] Vanessa2you: and that's the honest truth
[23:09] Vanessa2you: ahahaa
[23:11] QueenRandom87: Ok, back.
[23:11] QueenRandom87: omg Dory, we're poop buddies!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

(Stolen) From Ducky With Love....

1. A cuddler?: anyone, anytime, anywhere. Call me.
2. A morning person?: not really under any circumstances. I can get myself moving and get shit done but I do not enjoy it and I am definitely not at my best.
3. Tall?: disturbingly
4. In your pajamas? yes!
5. Left handed?: ambidextrious. That's a lie.

[ LAST ]
1. Friend you texted: Smurf E. Lee
2. Was today better than yesterday?: they were probably about the same, as far as days go. Both fun.

1. Number: 17
2. Season: all, everytime they change I fall in love all over again (cornyyyy...)

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning?
A: sneeze/pee/snort, simultaneously.

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: I'm just hoping that the Nick that Nate is planning on bringing to Oregon isn't the Nick I think it is...we really need to find out his last name. Some other stuff is bothering me too.

Q: What's the last movie you watched?
A: Shrek 3 last night and the last 40 minutes of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason this afternoon, I'm not sure if BJ counts because it wasn't a full movie.

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: Smurfy's house

Q: Do you smile often?:
A: Of course

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: If I happen to catch one shooting then yes, otherwise no

Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: I like to think so. I'm very outgoing and fun.

Q: Where did you sleep last night?
A: amongst the feathers in my bed in my room in my house in Felton in Santa Cruz County in California in the USA in North America in the world.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: white with purple and pink and green writing

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Yesterday evening

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: "love me, love me, sayyyyy that you love meeee" it was stuck in my head like WHOA.

Q: What are you about to do?
A: talk to my sister's friend Matt on IM (SHOUT OUT!) and maybe read some HP5 and go to sleep, you know how I roll...

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10?
A: 7.75 - as Ducky said, good, but could be better in certain aspects...mostly just me being less fat and having a boypal.

Q: What do you hear right now?
A: the filters on the fish tank. They kind of create a zen-like fountainy atmosphere at night.

Q: If you could drink anything right now, what would it be?
A: Cold water sounds good. <--I hear that sister!

Q: Does anything hurt right now?
A: only the hole where my heart used to be...just kidding. The gnarly bite on my back hurts and so do my feet.

Q: What's your favorite month?
A: all except January. NOTHING happens in January (if it's your birthday in January, I don't care. It's not enough for me to stop disliking it)

Q: What's your favorite bottled water?

Q: Have a best friend?
A: _-CANG, etc.

Q: How many kids do you want/have?
A: between 21 and 34

Q: Are you on the phone?
A: Not now. I'm on IM though.

Q: Are you a good singer?
A: I embrace my slightly less than mediocre singing ability, and therefore I am great.

Q: Are your nails painted?
A: red on the toes, clear on the fingers....pure class all the way.

Q: Do you have any nicknames?
A: Ness, Nessa, V, Dory, etc.

1. Are you missing someone right now?
- Meagen, _-CANG, some school pals

2. Are you hyper?
- God no.

3. Who made you cry last?
- Well I'm working on some tears right now courtesy of Nate Curry and his impeccable timing in bailing on me for Brother Ali..stay tuned to see how that turns out.

4. Are you close with your parents?

Saturday, May 19, 2007


I just put on a skirt I haven't worn in a while and found $25 in the pocket. Anyone want to see Shrek 3 tonight?

Also, I have a job. JobS, hopefully, if Brenda calls me back today or something. I get to play with a cute kid three days a week and play with Sarah Balch and Brenda in the registration building the other two or three days. These jobs, for lack of a better term, are blessings.

Friday, May 18, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. VIII

[10:30] Vanessa2you: so whatev
[10:30] Vanessa2you: ugh kill me
[10:30] squirtadero: would if i could but i can't
[10:31] Vanessa2you: thanks
[10:31] Vanessa2you: that's what friends are for :-)
[10:31] squirtadero: :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Deep Blog...Be Warned

I couldn't sleep last night. I'd like to chalk it up to being really torn up about Lauren Berglund, but that's a lie. It's mostly due to the fact that I took a two hour nap yesterday. While I was trying to sleep I did do a lot of thinking about Lauren Berglund though. I didn't really know her well, but I definitely KNEW her, and that alone is enough to sufficiently freak me out. I like to think that I deal with death very well, especially being a nurse or whatever, but I guess I really don't. I mean, I can handle when someone has a fatal disease. You're diagnosed, given a timeline, and that's that. Disease is sad, but it's so much better than an accident. At least if you have a fatal disease you have time to tell everyone and say your goodbyes. I feel so badly for Lauren's family. I can't even imagine if that was me. What if it was my mom or my sister or my dad? That's what really freaks me out - the suddenness of it all. It kills me that she was all alone for so long while she was dying too. That just seems so unfair. I don't really know what else to say. I just think it's all really really unfair and sad and horrible.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to read this article from the Sentinel. It sums things up pretty well.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. VII: Mother Dear

[12:57] Vanessa2you: hola
[12:57] Vanessa2you: how much of my crap do you want me to pack up before you get here?
[12:58] Vanessa2you: moooomm
[13:00] Vanessa2you: mommy
[13:01] Vanessa2you: why won't you love me?
[13:06] Vanessa2you: I am leaving now to go to the cafeteria and get some lunch
[13:06] Vanessa2you: hopefully when I get back you will have responded
[13:09] Kelleylove: Sorry honey....busy, busy, busy.
Pack up as much as you can. I'm bringing 4 banker boxes and 2 giant zip locs. I'll be leaving here by 2 and should be there around 3:30. I'm signing out now.
[13:10] *** "Kelleylove" signed off at Tue May 15 13:10:16 2007.
[13:17] Vanessa2you: you...

Monday, May 14, 2007

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. VI: A King Among Men

[21:54] Vanessa2you: say something funny so I can put it on my blog
[21:54] The Man PRefekt: life is like a tire iron
[21:55] The Man PRefekt: cold hard and and used to screw things
[21:55] Vanessa2you: wow
[21:55] The Man PRefekt: haha
[21:55] Vanessa2you: that makes it on sheer stupidity
[21:55] Vanessa2you: congratulations


This morning I dreamt that I was trapped in a hospital/mall. Matt Damon was my boyfriend and we were hanging out smelling perfumes in Macy's when someone codes(stopped breathing, no heartbeat, basically dead) on the sixth floor. We're riding the elevator up to the sixth floor at top speed, since I am for some reason the only person in the hospital/mall who is licensed to work on patients (which I'm not, actually). The damn elevator keeps stopping on every floor and CNAs (nursing assistants) keep asking me to help them reposition their patients, who are all octagenarians with new hips. I am growing more and more frustrated as Matt Damon, being eternally compassionate, gladly indulges each CNA on every floor, leaving the elevator to help move patients on and off the toilet while I fume and press the hold button. Finally we arrive at the sixth floor and I leap off the elevator. There's a bunch of other CNAs yelling at me for taking so long. I run into the room where the patient is coding. I look down at the patient and wake up.

I sit up in bed. My phone is ringing.

I look to see who's calling. It's my friend Natasha. I look at the clock. It's 7:57. Natasha is calling because my alarm didn't go off. I have an 8:00 final beginning in three minutes.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

One Sweet Day

I was cavorting about the city today with my good friend AnnE Keller when the subject of my funeral plans was brought up. For those of you not in the know, I never thought I would live past the age of eighteen. I couldn't see myself getting any older, so I always just assumed that meant that I would die my senior year of high school. Knowing and accepting this fate, I began to (very intricately) plan my funeral. I've made a few changes since then and I had to let AnnE in on them. First, I would like everyone walking into the service to get a fan with a picture of my head on it, since I plan to die in the summer when everyone's hot. I would also like Sarah Balch to be standing up front singing "With You In Your Dreams" by Hanson, accompanied by only a piano. I would like to be eulogized by everyone in attendance, no matter how well they may or may not have known me. I am also requesting to be buried with Blue Pig (check out his 'Space if you don't know what I'm talking about) and Simon, my bear. I want an open casket so that everyone can see my carefully chosen outfit and coiffed hair. After everyone has finished singing, I would like my boyfriend/husband/lover to stand up and sing "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey with acoustic accompaniment and a large choir full of black people as backup. During this song I would like a slideshow of pictures of myself with friends and family to play on giant screens in the background. After that I would like _-CANG to come on stage and do a dramatic version of "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. I want them in floor-length white choir-esque robes. The robes should be somewhat translucent and flowy. They should also shimmer. I would like AnnE to take the vocals of Mariah, Cassady to be the deep-voiced guy who randomly talks during the song, Natalie to be the main singer from Boys II Men, and Genevieve to sing only during the choruses as one of the miscellaneous Boys II Men members. During this performance I'd like a slideshow of photos of JUST me looking fabulous (Squirt, perhaps we should do a photo shoot before I die). I would like it all to culminate at the end of the song with a photo of me looking straight into the camera with an angel's halo superimposed over my head, along with my birth and death dates underneath. At this point, everyone in attendance will no doubt be in tears. This is when the real finale hits: the lights suddenly turn off and a strobe light comes on as my body is lifted out of the casket on invisible strings and flown out over the crowd while "The Final Countdown" by Europe plays. I will then be placed on top of my casket in a triumphant pose. This will, of course, shock the audience into a stunned silence. They will then explode with laughter and walk away from my funeral feeling incredibly giggly and nearly cheerful. So that's basically it. I'm still looking for someone to do a Ferrell-esque version of "Dust In The Wind" at some point, as well as a pianist and guitarist to accompany Sarah/my lover. Also, someone in charge of setting up the grand finale. Let me know if you're interested, faithful readers! In case you wanted a little sneak preview, here's what you have to look forward to during the "One Sweet Day" performance...

"Let's Talk On AIM Sometime..." Vol. V: The Truest Thing I've Ever Heard

[00:27] sarahmwbalch: whats a friend with out snuggles?!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

This Summer is Really Heating Up!!

Coincidence! It's funny that Cassady blogged about making lists of stuff to do over the summer, because I was going to come on and blog a list too! My list isn't of things I hope to do, more of things that I can't WAIT to do. Let's break them down into categories, shall we? First of all, the most important, TV: we've got the Rob & Big season premiere on May 22nd, The Simple Life: Counselors at some point, and a bunch of other awesome crap that I can't remember right now. Movies? Um, let's kick it off with Shrek the Third this Friday, Ocean's 13 in June, HARRY FREAKING POTTER in July, and round it all out with The Bourne Ultimatum in August. Music? Between the field trip to see Brother Ali in a couple of weeks and Daft Punk in July, I'm going insane. What more could a girl want? How about HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS?! What about Gen's 21st birthday blowout, when both AnnE and Cassady will be intoxicated for the very first time? How about unlimited summer staff snuggles? What about Sarah freaking Balch being home? Daaaaaaaamn, it's gonna be a good couple months....if I can get a job.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Mark Your Calendars!

MAY 22! Prepare yourselves....

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You know this shit is going to be INSANE!

Yes Yes Y'all, And You Don't Dare Stop....

I got my tickets for Brother Ali today. I can't believe I'm driving ten hours to my least favorite state in the country to see a show. Too bad it's going to be totally worth it and probably one of the most incredible field trips I've ever taken. I mean, Brother freaking Ali? Bitch please. Maybe we'll fall in love and have ten thousand albino babies. I'd definitely be down for that. Sorry this blog is so lame, I'm kind of unmotivated and just too busy being really stoked on this show.

PS: In case you were wondering, my diet sucks and I am still fat. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please direct your attention to "Muffins and Milk". Thaaaaaanks.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The 'Space

I've decided that we should all start referring to MySpace as simply "The 'Space." Spread the word.


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Tuesday, May 8, 2007

"Let's Talk On Aim Sometime..." Vol. IV: The Madeline Monologues

While talking about the boy I like...

[21:30] Vanessa2you: ...then I can get him drunk and seduce him
[21:30] AMsquirrel624: ahahaha
[21:30] Vanessa2you: that's the goal, anyway
[21:30] AMsquirrel624: wow
[21:30] AMsquirrel624: i am proud of you
[21:30] Vanessa2you: thanks dear
[21:30] AMsquirrel624: no really... do it
[21:30] AMsquirrel624: release the whore from within

That Damn Survey That Everyone Else Is Doing...


Do you tend to speed when you drive?
only by like 15 or 20 mph

Do you smoke cigarettes?

Does your temper flare a lot?
I'd like to think that I'm very level headed. I get irritated with stupid people but it's not really my temper, right?

Do you get emotional easily?
Yes. I'm very sensitive.

Do you get obnoxious when you're drunk?
I don't think so. I think I just get a little louder, a little giggly-er, and a little more fun.

Are you lazy?
I pride myself on being the laziest person I know.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about.
I'm loud. Don't freaking tell me I'm loud, I know already. I get it.

Are you superstitious?
Not really, but I also have really bad luck so maybe I should become superstitious?

Do you get bored with relationships quickly?
No I am probably the most loyal kid in the world.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
Never, I need at least a sheet even on the hottest nights.

What position do you sleep in?
Start out on my tummy, shift to the sides by morning.

What do you do when you're angry?
Frown, speak eloquently, glare, cry.

What do you do when you're sad?
Cry. Silently. Alone.

Who do you call when you have a bad day?
Um well I try to send out about 6 text messages to like Gen, Ducky, Squirt, AnnE, Smurf, etc. and wait for someone to respond. Pretty much all my friends are amazing so I don't really need to pick and choose.


Song you listen to when you're Happy: Daft Punk - "Robot Rock"

Sad: "Prince Charming" - Brother brings me joy

Angry: "Casimir Pulaski Day" - Sufjan calms me.

Makes you cry: 'NSync - "Gone" (don't judge me)

Love Song: "Sunday" - Bloc Party

Favorite Song: is this a joke?


I'll always... loooooove youuuuuuuuuu ooooooohaaaaaaaa

I will never...let you touch my knees

Why do...I want to nap so badly?

I'm happiest...snuggling?

My friends...don't snuggle me enough dammit.

My parents...rock.

I can't wait to be over, Brother Ali.

I get some snuggle action.

My secret...doesn't make friends?

I'm sick of...MTV reality shows about people in Hawaii or people in Laguna Beach. Who cares? Not me. Give me more Rob and Big and I'll be good to go.

Gas prices...pain me.

I'm interested in...your last bowel movement. Time, consistency, color, difficulty?

I wish I could...get a job lined up for summer. I should have just done freaking summer staff.

I can't stand... country music, most of the people in my clinical group.


Trick. --- pony

Blow. --- job (did you really expect anything different?)

Life. --- sucks. Actually I feel pretty good about life, this is just where my mind went first.

Airplane. --- ride

Mailbox. --- check

Rock. – chair

Power. --- play

Tree.--- hug

Man. --- boobs - hahaha!

Run. --- no

Book. --- SEVEN!

TV.--- nothing good on

Phone. --- broken

Shoes.--- mail (sent Ducky her shoe today)

A - is for the last person that made you ANGRY.
everyone was pissing me off on Sunday but I guess that doesn't count. Mama was a little cranky....

B - is for BEER you prefer?
Wheat beer from Trader Joe's

C - is for do you have a CAT?
Sam and Stella

D - is for can you DANCE?
Not to brag or anything, but I have been told by multiple people that I am a disturbingly good dancer. Usually I have to be somewhat intoxicated to really bust a move but once I'm feeling comfortable I think I'm pretty damn good. I have mad rhythm for a white girl.

E - is for do you have your EARS pierced?
many times. Bet you didn't know that!

F - is for your favorite FOOD?
This is a hard question. I love all food. That's kind of the problem. Pastries?

G - is for did you ever watch GUTS on Nickelodeon?
Psh I just watched GUTS last time I was at AnnE's house on GAS...right before LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!

H - is for the last person who HUGGED you?
Natasha, side hug.

I - is for close your eyes.. what IMAGE do you see?
Blue Pig!

J - is for have you ever been to JAIL?
I wish.

K - is for when is the last time you flew a KITE?
I remember it distinctly...Mexico 2005 with the Van Pykeren kids. I had Sam VP laughing so hard he was rolling on the ground. Probably one of my happiest moments.

L - is for the LOVE of your life.
Oh man.

M - is for the last piece of MAIL you got.
Rolling Stone magazine

N - is for do you remember NERF guns?
Yes. Stupid question.

O - is for do you OWN a car?
Yes but I'm looking to own a newer one...

P - is for your favorite PASTTIME.
napping, snuggling, partying, talking.

Q - is for do you like peace & QUIET?

R - is for do you like the color RED?
Not really but if it looks good on Ducky then hey, who am I to judge?

S - is for how many hours of SLEEP you need to function?
At least 6. Closer to 8.

T - is for what TIME is it?
6:00 on the DOT!

U - is for what is UNDER your bed?
at home - kitty, at school - tons of crap.

V - is for what you did last VALENTINE'S day.
drank beer and ate burritos with meagen and friends.

W - is for do you drink a lot of WATER?
hell yes son, up to 2 liters already today. (but who's counting?)

X - is for have you ever had an X-RAY?
teeth neck foot chest

Y - is for the last person you YELLED at.?
I yell all the time, mostly in fun. Yesterday I yelled "HOW CUTE ARE YOU?!" across the cafeteria because I knew it would embarass my friend. It did.

Z - is for have you ever watched ZORRO?
no, actually


Who do you wish you could hang out with right now?
I wish I could have all my friends in one place and they would all get along and it would be amazing. My MH pals, V-CANG, and my school pals....sigh.

Name one thing you absolutely can not stand.
the majority of conferees at the Herm

Where do you spend most of your time?
sitting on my ass at the computer DUH

If you could fly, where would you go first?
home of course. I would have to pick up my peeps for an adventure.

What was the best vacation you've ever been on?
Well we don't go on many vacations but I guess East Coast 04 with the fam was a good one.

Have you ever hit a squirrel when you were driving?
No, I brake for animals.

Did your car ever break down?
Is this a joke? Seriously?

What's your favorite thing to do on the weekend?
sleep, play, eat, drink

What radio station do you listen to most often?

Pick one: Papa John's, Dominoes, or Pizza Hut.
none of the above. Tony & Alba's woot woot

What is the longest amount of time you've been awake?
like 23 1/2 hours.

What would you do if you found out the world was ending in one week?
Tell the boy I like that I love him and make him sex me. ALL. WEEK. LONG.

Do scary movies make you paranoid when you watch them alone?
It depends on the movie. The Ring? Oh yes.

Name one thing you've lied about recently.
I lie all the time so it's hard to tell.

What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

Who was the first person to ever give you flowers?
probably one of my aunts.

bright royal crayola purple

Saturday. It was kind of an accident.

a person whose NAME starts with C is CarolSmurf, but a general person who starts with C is a Chinese person or a Contractor or a Cockbagel.

Ben & Jerry's, though I don't think they have shops. <--Guido, come to SF. There's a B&J's like 6 blocks down from my school. It's amazing.


Wake up at the asscrack of dawn, go to clinical, lunch with the clinical group, nap, dance around the room with Meagen, babysit.

Freaking Ninja Turtles STILL.