One Sweet Day

I was cavorting about the city today with my good friend AnnE Keller when the subject of my funeral plans was brought up. For those of you not in the know, I never thought I would live past the age of eighteen. I couldn't see myself getting any older, so I always just assumed that meant that I would die my senior year of high school. Knowing and accepting this fate, I began to (very intricately) plan my funeral. I've made a few changes since then and I had to let AnnE in on them. First, I would like everyone walking into the service to get a fan with a picture of my head on it, since I plan to die in the summer when everyone's hot. I would also like Sarah Balch to be standing up front singing "With You In Your Dreams" by Hanson, accompanied by only a piano. I would like to be eulogized by everyone in attendance, no matter how well they may or may not have known me. I am also requesting to be buried with Blue Pig (check out his 'Space if you don't know what I'm talking about) and Simon, my bear. I want an open casket so that everyone can see my carefully chosen outfit and coiffed hair. After everyone has finished singing, I would like my boyfriend/husband/lover to stand up and sing "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey with acoustic accompaniment and a large choir full of black people as backup. During this song I would like a slideshow of pictures of myself with friends and family to play on giant screens in the background. After that I would like _-CANG to come on stage and do a dramatic version of "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. I want them in floor-length white choir-esque robes. The robes should be somewhat translucent and flowy. They should also shimmer. I would like AnnE to take the vocals of Mariah, Cassady to be the deep-voiced guy who randomly talks during the song, Natalie to be the main singer from Boys II Men, and Genevieve to sing only during the choruses as one of the miscellaneous Boys II Men members. During this performance I'd like a slideshow of photos of JUST me looking fabulous (Squirt, perhaps we should do a photo shoot before I die). I would like it all to culminate at the end of the song with a photo of me looking straight into the camera with an angel's halo superimposed over my head, along with my birth and death dates underneath. At this point, everyone in attendance will no doubt be in tears. This is when the real finale hits: the lights suddenly turn off and a strobe light comes on as my body is lifted out of the casket on invisible strings and flown out over the crowd while "The Final Countdown" by Europe plays. I will then be placed on top of my casket in a triumphant pose. This will, of course, shock the audience into a stunned silence. They will then explode with laughter and walk away from my funeral feeling incredibly giggly and nearly cheerful. So that's basically it. I'm still looking for someone to do a Ferrell-esque version of "Dust In The Wind" at some point, as well as a pianist and guitarist to accompany Sarah/my lover. Also, someone in charge of setting up the grand finale. Let me know if you're interested, faithful readers! In case you wanted a little sneak preview, here's what you have to look forward to during the "One Sweet Day" performance...