Cell Phone's Dead

As of this very moment, there are three different cell phones of three separate brands (Motorola, LG, and Samsung) plugged into the wall directly to my right. There is yet another dead cell phone (Motorola) lying in a box on the floor to my left. If you haven't already heard the news, I have been going through some minor cell phone drama lately. About two months ago I accidentally tossed my (Motorola...RIP) phone into the toilet while reaching for a hair-tie, resulting in a devastating loss of many numbers and pictures. LUCKILY, I have cell phone insurance, which delivered a brand new phone of the exact same type (Motorola) to me a few days later. While OPENING THE BOX THE NEW PHONE WAS IN, I fumbled and accidentally tossed the new phone onto the floor, cracking the back plate right below the battery in half. I wasn't too worried, however, as the crack was only cosmetic and didn't affect the phone's performance in any way. Two weeks ago I was in the middle of an important text session with my fabulous roommate Meagen when my phone's screen became a rainbow of pixelation with no discernable pattern. LUCKILY, I happened to be at Sarah Balch's house and she had happened to get a new phone that very day and there just happened to be her old phone lying around with the same service provider as me (Verizon, holla). I immediately had my service switched to her phone (LG) and resumed my text conversation with that. The next day I stopped into the Verizon store to see what they could do about my phone issues. After being forced to harass three different people for help, David Ralston (if you know who he is, you know what that I went through is twelve times worse than it seems) informed me that I needed to go through my insurance company AGAIN for a new phone.
Finally, five days later, my new phone arrived. I switched the service over from the LG to my beautiful new Motorola and immediately received a call from the one and only Sarah Balch. Imagine my dismay when I could not hear her! The new phone they sent me had a defective ear speaker. I once again called the insurance company to get yet another new phone. Apparently, in the four days it took for me to receive my new phone, they stopped making the model of Motorola I had. I was forced to take on a Samsung phone with comparable features, which ended up working out for the best because it's an awesome phone. They express shipped (meaning three days instead of four) the new phone to me, but in the meantime I had to use an embarassing headset to answer all of my calls, forcing me to look like a total tool for the past few days. Today I finally got my new Samsung and it is now charging the required twelve hours necessary before I can activate it. I am also charging the LG in order to retrieve all my contacts and the Motorola with the defective earpiece so that I can still send and receive calls before I activate my Samsung. Next on my list: repair the laptop I am currently using so that I don't have to apply pressure to the left side when I type in order to make the words appear. It should be a good week.