EXCITING TOILET DISCOVERY!!!

WOW! Oh man! Last night after a magnificent SCD dinner with two of my best bitches Cassady and AnnE, Cassady and I decided to go see Sicko at the Del Mar. First of all, don't judge me for watching Michael Moore films - I take them with a grain of salt, and I enjoy a good documentary (no matter how biased it may be), so suck it. Anyhoo, this story isn't really about the movie - which, by the way, was great - it's about the most exciting discovery I have ever made.

The Del Mar, for those of you not native to the Santa Cruz area, is a really old and awesome theater downtown, kind of near that weird shack that sells vegetarian bagels and crap. The Del Mar has been my favorite movie theater for quite a while. They're always showing semi-independent films and the grand auditorium has the most comfortable seats and best views of the screen I have ever experienced. The only problem I've ever had with the Del Mar is the women's bathroom.

First of all, the women's room is up on the second floor. Anyone who knows me knows the extent of my laziness makes it nearly impossible for me to climb the twenty-something steps up to the potty, unless I REALLY have to go. Secondly, they use the gross powdery Borax-y soap that just doesn't give me the clean that I'm looking for after a good potty session. The real clincher, though, is the individual toilet stalls. Let me paint a picture for you: as you walk into the bathroom, there's a rather large lounge area with a couch, chair, table, and multiple mirrors. These mirrors become terrifying once you enter the stalls because the stall doors are only about three feet high and rise off the ground about a foot and a half. This means that you are basically only covered from knee to shoulder, or, if you're tall like me, shin to chest. Even when I'm sitting down, I can still see over the stall doors. The sides of the stalls are equally tiny. This can make for awkward situations when you are forced to take a pee while making eye contact with a complete stranger waiting for their friend in the lounge. It gets even more awkward when someone accidentally leaks a fart and everyone in the vicinity can see them begin to blush with their head poking out above the stall (not that this has ever happened to me personally; I don't fart). To sum it all up, the bathroom is a far from private wait to take care of some very private business.

I was on my way out of the grand auditorium to release my bladder before the movie yesterday when I happened to look to my left. This glance quickly became life-changing as I realized that there is ANOTHER WOMEN'S BATHROOM ON THE FIRST FLOOR! I gasped and walked briskly to the door, hoping against hope that it was more private than the upstairs. Imagine my glee when I discovered that it was a SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM! It was just a toilet, sink, and paper towel holder all closed off behind a heavy locking door. I had always wondered how the upstairs bathroom was considered handicap acessible, only to find out that it wasn't and there was a separate accessible bathroom downstairs.

With that being said, this is one of the best discoveries I have ever made in Santa Cruz, and as much I have enjoyed telling you about it, I urge you, readers, not to use my special secret potty. It took me almost ten years to find it, and it's just not fair for you all to show up and use it just because you heard about it from a friend. In conclusion, be content with the fact that there's a secret toilet in the Del Mar theater, but stay the hell away from it.